Friday, August 10, 2007

Nobody Asked Me, But...


Special Republican Cock Sucking Edition


1) A note to my male readers: For a good time, call Glenn Murphy, preferably while you sleep.

2) A note to my African American male readers: If you need a couple bucks quick, look up Florida Rep. Bob Allen.

3) To my DC gay male readers, find South Dakota Senator Larry Craig, usually in the third stall along in Union Station's men's' room.

4) And for my female readers in Michigan, I hope you didn't think I would forget you folks!

5) The question must be asked: "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?"

6) Speaking of cocksuckers, Rudy! How could you???

I'm going to break with tradition of "NAM,B," and talk a bit about this in detail.

I was exposed to exactly the same things they were exposed to. So in that sense, I'm one of them.
Rudy, who the fuck do you think you're kidding? Yes, no one denies you were down at Ground Zero fairly often, spending large gobs of time down there, and making sure you were seen by cameras, ready to give an ad hoc press conference at the drop of a hat. No one denies that.

But to disrespect the people on The Pile, the men and women who actually dug into the debris, who didn't wear respirators because, gee, your people told them it wasn't mandatory (meanwhile, you had your little pocket breathing protector IN HAND!), to compare your exposure from yards, and even miles, away to the heroes who risked and are losing their lives sucking in dust, chemical vapors, and like carcinogens, all to score some cheap political point THAT WE ALL KNOW ALREADY is disgusting, and you ought to be severely punished at the polls for it.

You slimy son of a bitch, WE GET IT! We get it that you were lucky enough-- and I say "lucky" because look at how much filthy lucre you've gobbled up off the deaths of 3,000 Americans and how much political capital you've lucked into-- to be mayor of New York when the Towers fell! We get it that, because Bush was such a goddamn scared little pussy, flying from Florida to Louisiana to Oklahoma to OMAHA, NE because he was terrified that the most heavily guarded plane in the world at that moment might be taken down by a kid with a slingshot, it made YOU look like a statesman, even tho all you did was your fucking job!

We get it, alright?????? Now shut up and start defending your life, you prostateless living room gibbon...

7) I think I need anger management this week...(go ahead...free pass on snarky comments today)

8) We need more Australian birds in the States. I volunteer to adopt Kylie Minogue.

11) This is twice in three weeks I've noted a stock market collapse. That's not good news.

12) Three words for you: get air conditioning.

13) This may be the saddest story of the week.

14) Flooding seems to be the story of the week. And it's only going to get worse.

15) Imagine walking past this building.

16) Good. They hurt me.

17) I've faced down sharks, barracuda, and the occasional turtle with an attitude. This would probably scare me if I saw it while diving.

18) In fairness, you can't get there from here in England anyway.

19) Boy if THIS isn't true!