Friday, August 29, 2008

Nobody Asked Me, But...

1) Obama finally made a speech I can relate to.

2) I'm terribly concerned that we have nominated this year's Michael Dukakis, a bloodless, emotionless drone. Obama has been clinical and devoid and bereft of any emotion, even aloof. Until last night. Apparently, he hired Hillary's speechwriter, finally.

3) On the eve of the Republican Convention, there has been lip service paid to postponing it until after Gustav hits New Orleans.

5) The governor of Alaska? OK, she's a babe, but does McCain seriously think she'd draw Hillary voters?

6) The poon is out there. It's ironic he currently plays a character who has a, um, sex addiction.

7) In inflation news...What food is seeing the fastest rise in price? Rat.

8) I guess the Vatican wanted nun of this.

9) The solution? Build a better fly-swatter.

10) Or yust go fukkin nutz! (Yea, these be my peeps!)

Another Edition of the Thumbper Files

Fat cats 2.0.
See, these are the fat cats I can love.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Arguing With Conservatives: Redux

Every two years or so, I repost this moldy-oldy. It's still as funny today as it ever was.
An object lesson, forwarded to me by one of the ten smartest men in America (and a liberal):

Liberal: The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: No, it doesn't.

Liberal: Yes, it does. The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: What about Guam? What about that Guam, huh? Or the
Virgin Islands?

Liberal: Those are territories, not states. The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: Oh, so you're saying those don't count?

Liberal: Yes.

Conservative: Oh, so the people there don't count? They're not good enough, huh? I thought you liberals wanted everybody to be counted.

Liberal: No, I said the territories don't count as states. The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: You're really something, you know that? You liberals are always going on about how all of us conservatives are racists, how we don't care about anybody but people who look like us. But you don't even want to count the blacks who live in Guam as Americans.

Liberal: First of all, I never said all conservatives are racists.

Conservative: Yes, you did.

Liberal: No, I didn't.

Conservative: Michael Moore says it.

Liberal: I've never heard him say that.

Conservative: Yes, he does! He most definitely does!

Liberal: Look, I don't know what he says. That's beside the point. And the people in Guam "count," whatever that means. I don't even know who lives in Guam; I don't know the first thing about Guam. I'm just saying Guam isn't a state ­ it's a territory. The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: What about Puerto Rico?

Liberal: What?

Conservative: What about Puerto Rico, huh? You love all those Mexicans coming across the border stealing our jobs ­ you must LOVE Puerto Rico, right?

Liberal: I've never been to Puerto Rico.

Conservative: Well, I have, and those kind of people would be pretty offended to hear liberals like you saying they aren't real Americans!

Liberal: I didn't say that!

Conservative: You said they didn't count!

Liberal: I didn't say that either! No, wait, just wait… (takes deep breath). I only said the USA has fifty states. Puerto Rico isn't a state ­ it's a commonwealth.

Conservative: And they don't speak English!

Liberal: Well, many Puerto Ricans do.

Conservative: How do you know that? I've been there ­ you haven't!

Liberal: All right, OK, fine, whatever. But the USA has fifty states.

Conservative: Well, I say Puerto Rico counts.

Liberal: Fine, but not as a state.

Conservative: Well, that's YOUR opinion.

Liberal: It's not my opinion ­ it's a fact.

Conservative: Says you!

Liberal: No, not just "says me." It's a fact. Look it up.

Conservative: I don't have time.

Liberal: You don't have time to find out if the USA has fifty states?

Conservative: Listen, you may have time to sit around all day surfing on your liberal websites, downloading Michael Moore, but I've got things to do.

Liberal: Like reading about blacks in Guam and Mexicans in Puerto Rico?

Conservative: See, that's why you guys always lose. I'm trying to have a nice conversation, and you just keep up with the insults!

Liberal: Listen, I didn't mean to insult you.

Conservative: Oh, yes you did!

Liberal: No, look, I'm sorry, OK? I didn't mean to insult you. Honestly. It's just that… well, the USA has fifty states. That's a fact. And I'm just trying to state a fact, and you're getting very defensive, and…

Conservative: Oh, so now I'm defensive.

Liberal: Well…

Conservative: You just said you weren't going to insult me!

Liberal: Look, I'm just trying to say the USA has fifty states!

Conservative: According to YOUR sources!

Liberal: MY sources?! What are you talking about? Look it up!

Conservative: I told you, I don't have time to spend all day cruising the internet, looking up geography questions! Maybe if you were busier at your job, trying to live the American Dream, you wouldn't have time for all this hate!

Liberal: I work hard at my job!

Conservative: Then why are you spending all day downloading Michael Moore?

Liberal: I don't spend all day downloading Michael Moore! I don't even know what you mean by that! All I'm saying is that the USA has fifty states!

Conservative: Again, according to YOU!

Liberal: Not just me! Here, here's the World Book Encyclopedia. Look it up ­ it's fifty states!

Conservative: Oh, sure, the World Book! Yeah, like I'm going to believe the World Book!

Liberal: What?

Conservative: Come on, it's a liberal rag!

Liberal: (Long, teeth-gnashing pause) Look, just look up "United States of America." Ten bucks it says, "the USA has fifty states."

Conservative: Ten bucks, huh?

Liberal: Yeah, ten bucks. (pause) Wait, that's the "M" volume.

Conservative: I know.

Liberal: You need to look under "U" for "United States."

Conservative: I'm not looking for "United States." I'm looking for "Moore, Michael."

Liberal: What?!

Conservative: And when I find a big glowing article about him, you're going to owe me ten bucks!

Liberal: Why would I owe you ten bucks?!

Conservative: You bet me ten bucks that the World Book Encyclopedia isn't liberal.

Liberal: No I didn't!

Conservative: Yes, you did! You bet me ten bucks that I couldn't find a liberal article in the World Book. So when I find Michael Moore's picture, you owe me ten bucks!

Liberal: Oh, my lord…

Conservative: AHA!

Liberal: Listen, you idiot, just because you found Michael Moore's picture in the World Book doesn't mean that I owe you ten bucks! It doesn't mean the World Book is a liberal encyclopedia! And it certainly doesn't mean the USA doesn't have fifty states!!

Conservative: Oh, no? Look at this!

Liberal: (pause) "Massachusetts"?

Conservative: Bingo!

Liberal: What the hell does Massachusetts have to do with anything?

Conservative: The COMMONWEALTH of Massachusetts!

Liberal: So?

Conservative: So you said Puerto Rico is a commonwealth!

Liberal: Oh, no…

Conservative: You ADMITTED Puerto Rico was a commonwealth! Admit it, you said it!

Liberal: Oh, man…

Conservative: So if Massachusetts is a commonwealth, and Puerto Rico is a commonwealth, then they BOTH must be states! HA!

Liberal: OK, look…

Conservative: You owe me twenty bucks!

Liberal: What?

Conservative: Come one, pay up! Twenty bucks, let's go!

Liberal: I don't owe you twenty bucks!

Conservative: And I'm not even counting Pennsylvania!

Liberal: Pennsylvania?

Conservative: That's a commonwealth, too!

Liberal: It's a commonwealth, but…

Conservative: And Washington!

Liberal: All right, look, I lived in Seattle ­ Washington is NOT a commonwealth!

Conservative: Seattle's not even a state ­ it's a city!

Liberal: Yes, it's a city, in Washington State! Washington's a state!

Conservative: I'm talking about Washington D.C.

Liberal: What?

Conservative: Washington D.C. It's a city.

Liberal: I know what it is!

Conservative: Well, you liberals are always going on about "Statehood for Washington!" Which, you admit, is already a state!

Liberal: Washington D.C. is not a state!

Conservative: Washington State is!

Liberal: You just said Washington D.C.!

Conservative: And you said it should be a state!

Liberal: I never said that! I mean, it should be… but I never…look…

Conservative: Should Washington be a state?

Liberal: Well…

Conservative: Simple question.

Liberal: Washington State?

Conservative: Yes or No?

Liberal: Washington State or Washington D.C.?

Conservative: Right.

(Long pause)

Conservative: He snorts cocaine.

(Long, painful pause)

Liberal: (slowly) This is Washington D.C. you're talking about.

Conservative: Yeah. The mayor snorts cocaine.

Liberal: Actually, he's no longer the mayor…

Conservative: I don't think a state should have a governor who's used drugs.

Liberal: He's not the governor; Washington's not a…

Conservative: Except maybe California.

Liberal: OK, OK, stop for a moment…

Conservative: I mean, that was a long time ago…

Liberal: Listen, listen…

Conservative: I don't see Michael Moore making any movies about cocaine in Washington State, do you?

Liberal: Please, STOP!


Liberal: Look, I'm just trying to make a simple point here…

Conservative: What about…

Liberal: STOP!!!

(long pause)

Liberal: I'm just trying to make a SIMPLE point here. It's not a big deal ­ it's just a fact. The USA has fifty states. That's all! Yes, Puerto Rico is a commonwealth, but it isn't counted among the fifty states. Yes, Massachusetts and Pennsylvania are commonwealths too. So are Virginia and, I think, Kentucky. I don't know about Kentucky for sure, and you know what ­ it doesn't matter! They're considered
states, OK? They're states. Washington D.C. isn't one, even though I wish it was. Guam isn't one. There are only fifty. Fifty states. Fifty stars on the flag ­ fifty states. That's all. Fifty.

(long pause)

Conservative: Rush is so right about you people.

Liberal: Huh?

Conservative: Rush. He gets it. You people are the worst.

Liberal: I don't…

Conservative: Here I am, trying to have an honest political discussion, and all you can do is bring up this liberal claptrap! You call people like Rush racists, but you don't want to count Mexicans as Americans. You insult the Governor of California every chance you get. You get all your information from encyclopedias and Michael
Moore. You want free cocaine in Washington, and you want Seattle to become a commonwealth, and you won't pay me my fifty dollars even after I proved that blacks run Guam! And then, worst of all, you insult our flag and our troops!!! You disgust me!

Liberal: Good-bye.

Conservative: See, there you liberals go again! Sneaking off to download porn from Kentucky! I'm not forgetting you owe me 100 dollars!


Conservative: That's it, cut and run!

(long pause)

Conservative: Why do you hate America?


Two hundred and thirty two years after the founding of this great nation, one hundred and forty three years after slavery was abolished across the land, a landmark has occured that truly signals the break with the ways of old, of segregation and discrimination, moving the United States forward into, well, the 20th Century, at any rate.
Many will say we have much work to do, and we do, to be sure, but the Tree of Liberty first grows higher and then spreads its branches out to protect the people beneath it. The Tree has pierced the sky now. It will be only a matter of time before Dr. King's dream is realized. Finally....
Barack Hussein Obama, a freshman senator who defeated the first family of Democratic Party politics with a call for a fundamentally new course in politics, was nominated by his party on Wednesday to be the 44th president of the United States.
The unanimous vote made Mr. Obama the first African-American to become a major party nominee for president. It brought to an end an often-bitter two-year political struggle for the nomination with Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York, who, standing on a packed convention floor electric with anticipation, moved to halt the roll call in progress so that the convention could nominate Mr. Obama by acclamation. That it did with a succession of loud roars, followed by a swirl of dancing, embracing, high-fiving and chants of "Yes, we can."
No real surprise. This was a carefully orchestrated dance that Hillary and Barack hammered out in the days leading up to the convention. Hillary gets her name entered in the record books, and then calls off the "controversy" herself.
Moreover, in words that ought to give any PUMA pause, no less than the greatest President this nation has ever seen, the greatest peace-time leader in the history of the world, William Jefferson Clinton, came out in full voice and said "Barack Obama is ready to lead America and restore American leadership in the world. Barack Obama is ready to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. Barack Obama is ready to be president of the United States."
A more ringing endorsement you could not find from Obama's own family.
The wounds in the Democratic party are bandaged, and are healing. We unite today behind our nominee, our candidate, Barack Obama, the Great Facilitator, the face of America's future. Long may he serve as the guidepost of hope for this nation, and may God bless him in these troubled times ahead that he will lead us through.
In truth, God bless America.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Any Questions?

There. I hope the Obombers choke on their bile and swallow an huge helping of crow...

In a fiery call to arms last night, Hillary Clinton tried to clear up the one thing that hadn't been clear before: Her level of enthusiasm for making Barack Obama president.

In past speeches, she has offered sincere endorsements of Obama, but then gone on to extol the accomplishments of her own campaign. This time, perhaps sensing a greater urgency, she offered repeated appeals on Obama's behalf.

"I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me?" she asked, in what seemed like a question directed at the roughly 30 percent of her supporters who are resisting Obama, according to polls. "Or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him? Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids? Were you in it for that boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage? Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?"

She linked the historic moment of her campaign, the first by a women to make a serious run at the nomination of a major political party, to the other historic moment that won out, the mealymouthed whining of a bunch of progressives who hate her and, taking great pride in their misogyny, backed a man whose character has shown that he will struggle in the general election, making what should have been a Democratic, any Democrat, coronation into a horse race.
She even tore a rhetorical page out of Obama's playbook and took great pains to praise John McCain, just before launching into the most vicious attack on McCain during the convention. Now we know part of the deal struck between the two candidates.
Pundits will spin this speech a million different ways, and find nuances in phrasing and applause lines. The simple truth is, Senator Clinton looked her constituency right in the eye and in plain terms told them they need to vote for Obama for President.
And that cannot be spun in any other fashion by any rabid nutcase lefty who still believes the Clintons are only out for themselves.
Now...let's go kick the wheelchair out from under that old guy from Arizona!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

What's Old Is News Again

Who would have thunk that, twenty years later, Eddie Murphy would be as relevant as he was in 1984?:

Plot to Kill Obama: Shoot From High Vantage Point

Denver's U.S. attorney is expected to speak on Tuesday afternoon about the arrests of four people suspected in a possible plot to shoot Barack Obama at his Thursday night acceptance speech in Denver. All are being held on either drug or weapons charges.

One of those suspects spoke exclusively to CBS4 investigative reporter Brian Maass from inside the Denver City Jail late Monday night and said his friends had discussed killing Obama.

"So your friends were saying threatening things about Obama?" Maass asked.

"Yeah," Nathan Johnson replied.

"It sounded like they didn't want him to be president?"

"Yeah," Johnson said.

Maass reported earlier Monday that one of the suspects told authorities they were "going to shoot Obama from a high vantage point using a ... rifle ... sighted at 750 yards."
Presumably, this could really only happen at Invesco Field during the acceptance speech. Traditionally, the presumptive nominee doesn't even appear near the convention until the night of his actual nomination and then only briefly.

Now, I'm not sure what kind of sniper rifle one might need while, say, hunting squirrels or defending your acre of property from intruders, but it seems to me this is likely overkill as a legitimate weapon under the spirit of the Second Amendment, even if the SCOTUS recently made the ridiculous ruling that the Second Amendment applies to individual gun ownership rights as opposed to membership in a militia.

And yet, this rifle with a range of nearly half a mile and more was available legally to a nutcase. There's something wrong with this nation. Particularly when we can't win all the frikkin' shooting medals at the Olympics!

It's not like the rifle is the only assault Obama has to beware at the convention, either. The PUMAs are out in force, it seems:
As frustrated Democrats converged on Denver yesterday, some began chanting "caucus fraud," while others shouted the word "sweetie," a reference to the time Obama called a female reporter by the same name. One Clinton supporter who spoke to ABC News said Obama couldn't be trusted. Another said, "He's shifty and untrustworthy." It was assuredly not the kind of message Obama and his diligently image-conscious team were counting on at the Democratic National Convention.
Clinton will have to give a very strong warning in her speech tonight about uniting behind Obama, but even then, there are hurt feelings on all sides, and while this is not a rift that cannot heal, it will take time.

Ironically, the longer the primary season ran and passions grew deeper, the shorter the healing process would be. My guess is sometime in the Spring of 2009, Obama will have to make a very public genuflection towards Hillary's supporters, perhaps by championing a signal piece of legislation.

Assuming he wins, of course. If he doesn't, then the Democratic party will destroy itself from within, backbiting and fingerpointing.

See, when Kerry lost the 2004 election, you could very easily finger the culprit: the candidate himself. That's not going to be quite so easy this time. Obama is not running against a failed incumbent, but a fairly well-liked and respected Senator. Obombers will blame Clinton, foolishly, for his loss, for dragging the campaign out, for exposing Obama's flaws.

And Clintonistas will merely point out that, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen and let the woman finish cooking. Should Obama lose, he and the people who supported him so vociferously calling for Hillary's ouster from the campaign, will be made to pay heavy prices.

Harry Reid might find himself out of the job as Senate Majority Leader (indeed, it won't surprise me to find out part of Hillary's deal with Obama involves Reid's ouster), replaced by Hillary Clinton.

Of course, this entire scenario goes by the board if Obama wins, and the best way for Obama to win is for Hillary to forcefully make the case that her delegates should not only vote for Obama (maybe on the second ballot), but then shift their support fully to him.

Right now, Hillary supporters have gone to Obama by about 70-30. By making the case for an Obama presidency, Clinton will have tilted that further, and make the issue non-existent except in the darker deeper recesses of the paranoid fringe.

She should do it, too, and I expect she will. If her eight years as senator have taught her anything, there are some forces even a Clinton cannot hold back.

(much love to Memeorandum for the hat tip)

Monday, August 25, 2008

The Convention

You would think a breath of fresh air might accompany the opening gavel of the most historic convention in American history, the Democratic National Convention To Select The Scary Black Man and His Sidekick, Blabbermouth.
You'd think, and you'd be wrong:
As Democrats arrived here Sunday for a convention intended to promote party unity, mistrust and resentments continued to boil among top associates of presumptive nominee Barack Obama and his defeated rival, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

One flashpoint is the assigned speech topic for former president Bill Clinton, who is scheduled to speak Wednesday night, when the convention theme is "Securing America's Future." The night's speakers will argue that Obama would be a more effective commander in chief than his Republican rival, Sen. John McCain (Ariz.).

The former president is disappointed, associates said, because he is eager to speak about the economy and more broadly about Democratic ideas — emphasizing the contrast between the Bush years and his own record in the 1990s.

This is an especially sore point for Bill Clinton, people close to him say, because among many grievances he has about the campaign Obama waged against his wife is a belief that the candidate poor-mouthed the political and policy successes of his two terms.

Now, it occurs to the diplomat and politician in me, as well as should occur to Clinton, that securing America's future means a return to sound fiscal policies, the ones of the Clinton administration, the ones that secured the single greatest economic boom in the history of mankind (not to make too big a deal of it).
Indeed, I would imagine that this story is an Obomber or a PUMA plant, or possibly a Rove plant, designed to create a tempest where none exists. True, Obama dissed, mightily, Clinton's legacy, and he will pay for that at some point down the road, but make no mistake about it: when that payback comes, it will not be in the gaudy lights of Denver, but in the smoke-filled backrooms of the Senate.
There's too much at stake here, and not enough wiggle room to manuever.
Ironically, had Obama chosen Hillary as his Vice Presidential candidate, an awful lot of this rumour would have been emasculated from the get-go. Choosing Biden was not precisely stimulating news (his hair plugs get more coverage), and it's hard to rally around a man who's claim to fame is being trounced twice running for the top job.
Hillary would have given a large bounce immediately to the polls, but the open-ended questions regarding her candidacy would have likely given some of that advantage back, too. However, a true change agent, someone interested in showing a new political face to the world, would have chosen her, if for no other reason than to show that bygones truly were bygones and he was prepared to heal the electorate.
Of course, the McCain campaign has jumped ugly already on the choice of Biden. It is interesting that they picked up on this theme. No doubt the choice of Hillary as either nominee or vice presidential pick would have generated a completely different ad, the clear inference here being that Hillary voters should cross parties, remembering their Reagan Democratic roots while forgetting that the Republican party abandoned them in favor of the monied class.
But I digress...
More interesting to me this go-round will be Hillary's keynote address to the Convention, scheduled for Tuesday night.
She's stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, she has to give full-throated, unrelenting support to Obama's candidacy (and she's been very very good doing that these past weeks), on the other, she has some wiggle room now that it has been revealed that she was never even in consideration for the Veep nod.
Obama strikes me as the kind of kid who you really hated to see win, because he'd get all "smack talk" in your face, and you really just wanted to beat his scrawny little ass the next go-round, which is why I think we may see a Hillary campaign in 2012 if Obama falters in the least (and he will). It will be interesting to see if Hillary leaves the door open even a crack tomorrow night. In my mind, she shouldn't, but the urge to keep the uncertainty flowing for four years will be immense, the old "lead me not into temptation, I'd rather find it myself" saw comes into play here.
You know, just when I was looking forward to finally falling asleep at a decent hour after the Olympics, they go and throw this at me...

(h/t Memeorandum for showing da love)