Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Man-Animal Hybrids

I was perusing the Internets today, when I came across a super-secret government site with a frightening gallery of man-animal cloning experiments gone horribly wrong!

Take a look at these!:

Alienus Coultergeistus:
identifiably by her unusually long hands and ability to spit venom across country.

Falafellatio Dicklus:
Easily identified by the splotches on its face, the so-called "Loofah Monster" has been known to stalk its prey via telephone and showers in the Caribbean. You can hear it's distinctive call "Shut up! Shut up! Shut UP!" between noon and 2PM, and again at 8PM daily, eastern time. Seen here with a rare female. Of any species.

Moronus Cementheadis:
Known for its ability to parrot anything on its right wing, the "HandItTies"er has very disturbing substances matting its hairy palms, and anal orifice, probably secretions of the Shrubus Chimpus or perhaps even Cheneyus Heartless (sic).

Assrocketus Foureyes:
The less said about this vile disgusting creature, the better. I wouldn't let my daughter date it. Possibly the love child of Roseanne Barr and her trash disposal.

Asiaticus Joepescius:
Obviously fish-human amalgam, likely wide-mouth bAss, able to swallow lies whole (along with several seamen), regurgitating them as a fairly unpalatable load of tripe laced with venom and bile. Avoid at all costs unless you have a carry permit.
But what's truly scary about the State of the Union is how well a certain hybrid cleans up...

Shrubus Chimpus:
Comes off as cute and non-threatening. Flings shit. A lot.

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Photo credits to: Jesus' General,,,