Friday, October 19, 2007

Nobody Asked Me, But...


1) Now, let us bow our heads and pray to the Ceiling Cat.

2) I'll gladly accept any submissions for that particular Wiki, by the way. Deposit them in comments here.

3) Remember, you heard it here first, when it happens: either Monday or Tuesday, I anticipate an enormous melt-down in global stock markets, probably triggered by some catastrophic news from America or American markets.

4) Why is it that these things always seem to happen in the middle of October? Black Monday, Black Tuesday...

5) It never ceases to amaze me, speaking of markets, how bad news piles up on top of bad news. Any ideas why that is?

6) Hope they paid the mortgage. They got off easier than this shnook.

7) Note to self: use an inconspicuous car.

8) Maybe he didn't steal it?

9) Note to Bush: Next time, use a better metaphor.

10) Yea, we're fighting them there so we don't have to fight them here. But I don't think they're reading from the same script. How stupid is a policy that sees thousands more die each year in more and more terror attacks, yet claims to be a terror-suppression mechanism?

11) I have SO had it with Ellen Degeneres' dog story! I miss the societal relevance of Britney's pink wig already!

12) Couldn't the fucking adoption agency just vetted the family she gave the dog to, and get this the hell off my TV screen, fercrissake!? "Under fourteen," my ass!

13) The easiest job in the world just became available. Starting salary in the $5MM range. Tums not provided.

14) Seriously, everyone touts the magnificent job Joe Torre did as Yankees manager. Bull-fucking-shit! A chimpanzee could have walked to the playoffs with the teams that were provided Torre, particularly early on in his stint.

15) And I say that as a big fan of Joe Torre as a player, but when he managed the Mets, he wasn't precisely a dazzling strategian.

16) Odd timing on this story, as well as this one and a few others: Last Sunday and Monday, I had been seeing a general warning about MRSA, which I chalked up to a new TV season and news shows trying to pump ratings. Now all of a sudden, there's a frikkin' epidemic?

17) Finally, the old adage "never be photographed with someone prettier than you" applies here. And Donatella Versace is a FASHION DESIGNER!