Monday, February 03, 2014

A Couple of Thoughts on The Feetsball

Long-time readers of Simply Left Behind know that I hold no great passion for football. I think it lost its greatness when it decided it was more important to print money from municipalities and teevee than to play the game on the field. It’s become a great gay gang grope.

So I understand that last night was the final game of this cycle of Hunker Games, and featured a rout by the feetsball players from Seattle, beating the feetsball players from Denver, 43-8.

Me, I watched The Kitten Bowl, then The Puppy Bowl, and even tuned in The Fish Bowl to drive away the ennui of a perfectly good Sunday night on the TV, wasted because a piss-poor example of Americana sucks all the air out of the room.

But I have a few observations around the game I’d like to make:

1) A huge uproar came about because Bruno Mars was the halftime show. Given that the NFL audience is starting to a) age ungracefully, and b) winnow away to real sports, it was understandable that the powers that be threw a pale imitation of James Brown by way of Michael Jackson up on stage for the show. I actually watched it. I thought he was pretty good.

2) I wanted to watch the commercials but every time I tuned in there were 22 men standing around on a patch of grass. However, that said, when did Bob Dylan decide to sell out? Not only is it a car commercial, but it’s a lie: Chrysler is a distinctly non-American car company.

3) Continuing on the commercials theme, note to rightwing Freepers: America is built on immigrants.

4) When I heard Percy Harvin would be in the line-up for the Seahawks, I knew that Denver couldn’t possibly win the game. This was touted as a match-up of the best defense (Seattle) versus the best offense (Denver) in the league. Harvin just made Seattle a better team, period.

5) Denver just looked old, but I don’t think Seattle will repeat next year. Maybe 2016. Maybe.

6) To the tourists who came to my fair city: So long and thanks for all the money, suckers!

7) The best matchup of the evening came before the game, when President Obama schooled Bill O’Reilly. He went into the lion’s den and kicked the crap out of Leo.

8) Finally, it’s nine days to pitchers and catchers…HOORAY!