Nobody Asked Me, But....

- Playing golf is only slightly less wussy than playing video golf. If you paly video golf, you ought to be forced to wear the goofy pants and stupid hats.

- Mel Gibson apologizing for his anti-Semitic remarks is like Paris Hilton apologizing for being a slut. You are who you are, Mel, and while you committed career "Jewicide," you shouldn't compound the problem by pretending you aren't that person. Just shut up, go away, and maybe in ten years, you'll be thrown a bone by some up and coming actor who needs some controversy. You made your bed, sleep in it!

- 2006 will go down in history as one of those years when we hit a tipping point, like 1968. All that's happened to repudiated politics and culture of the past ten years tells me we're about due for some chaos around here.

- Baseball in April or October is just plain stupid. Baseball in the middle of summer is the perfect harmonious experience and very keeping with the spirit of the season: long, languid motions, time to relax and think for a moment, followed by enormous spurts of energy.

- Football in August is stupid. Football ANYTIME is a dumb and boring game, except when you're playing sandlot without pads, but in the summer it borders on insanity.

- Blogging has forced me to be a better writer. Scuba diving has forced me to be a better person. In scuba, you are wholly independent of, yet wholly dependent on, on your dive buddy. Cooperation is a given, or people end up dead. If there's a better metaphor for society, I've yet to find it.

- The silly season will soon be upon us. Long-time readers of "Simply Left Behind" know how I feel about the holidays: I'd rather have my eyelashes plucked one at a time by Mack the Knife than endure one Christmas meal with my family. This feeling creeps up earlier and earlier, usually, but I noticed last year that, with the warmer weather, and later winter, it didn't hit until nearly December. Thank you, global warming!

- They make funny movies about Christmas, Halloween, Groundhog's Day, even New Year's Day, but no one's evere made a funny movie about Labor Day. Why is that? Even Columbus Day got it's own (unintentionally) funny movie!

- It does my heart good to see Micro$oft actually having to compete with Apple on a level playing field again. Their new iPod rip off will flounder as badly as their Xbox did in the video game console market. Bill Gates is a smart poker player and he folded before the hand really started to heat up. His company ought to do the same.

- How many more weeks will it be until Jenny Craig realizes that Kirstie Alley hasn't lost a single pound since she initially lost 65? I figure Kirstie has until Labor Day to get her fat ass back into the gym and lose more weight, or Jenny Craigis going to find that blonde from the spring commercials. If someone like me, who pays absolutely no attention to commercials I'm not in or up for noticed, then how many people trying to lose weight have?

- I really need to simplfy my life.