Monday, October 02, 2006

Standing Up For The Legislative Process

In the course of looking over the sordid material provided by the Foley affair, I came across this little exchange("Maf54" is Foley):
Maf54 (7:46:33 PM): did any girl give you a haand job this weekend

Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:38 PM): lol no

Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:40 PM): im single right now

Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:57 PM): my last gf and i broke up a few weeks agi

Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): are you

Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): good so your getting horny

Xxxxxxxxx (7:47:29 PM): lol?a bit

Maf54 (7:48:00 PM): did you spank it this weekend yourself

Xxxxxxxxx (7:48:04 PM): no

Xxxxxxxxx (7:48:16 PM): been too tired and too busy

Maf54 (7:48:33 PM): wow?

Maf54 (7:48:34 PM): i am never to busy haha
Now, as an experienced hand with masturbation, and a firm advocate of it as a stress reliever, particularly as it pertains to disseminating good feelings (see my sidebar link for Masturbate For Peace), I was thinking a little about this.

You're a Congressman from, say, Florida. A Republican in good standing who has certain...impulses...that if he acted upon them, might be taken the wrong way by his constituents, and things could get out of hand.

You know, you'll got to consider all these bills and mark up all those pages, and you're too busy to hire, um, help for your swelling needs, since that would leave a paper trail for your district. And besides, your fellow members get agitated and you might arouse suspicions. I mean, it's not like going to see the Yanks bat around at the Stadium! People get upset when sex is involved and money is spent!

So you lock your office door, and buzz your secretary and tell her you need to polish up your response to some legislation. You tell her to tell anyone who calls that you're consulting with your staff in order to firm up your position.

Now cast the stock answers you hear given to the media with this scenario. I wonder if legislators aren't telling more than we're hearing?

"After working closely with fellow members..."

"We polished up the language in conference..."

"I closely examined the many pages in this bill..."

"I can safely say we have the situation firmly in hand..."

"We are in Iraq for the long haul..."

"I'm here to play ball with the members of Congress..."

"I'm reaching across the aisle to work hand-in-hand with members of the other party..."

See how easy it is to realize how extensive sexual perversions are in Congress? You try it!