Friday, August 09, 2013

Nobody Asked Me, But...

1) It looks like Pakistan has decided the rest of the world was getting too much attention.

2) Smokey Bear turns 69 today, which makes him one year older than the atomic bombing of Nagasaki.

3) Bryan Fischer's head to explode in 3….2….1….

4) First, they convicted Fabrice Tourre, a midlevel Goldman Sachs trader for a billion dollar Ponzi scheme. Now they've written a strongly worded note to Jamie Dimon at JP Morgan Chase. When will the brutes at the SEC stop beating up banksters????

5) For you science geeks out there…you know who you are…this weekend marks the Perseid meteor shower. It ought to be a golden dandy, since the moon will be practically new.

6) My hometown is a tough place to live and work, but the premise of this article, that you now have to be successful to live here, is bollocks. It doesn't hurt, to be sure, but if you're willing to fight for it, you can make a go of it here. It's like the song says, ♪ If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere

7) Speaking of my hometown, I can't believe I'm going to miss this!

8) Anthony Weiner keeps shoving more body parts into his mouth. After successfully swallowing both feet, he seems to be shoving all three legs in there. And yet, he keeps trying. And failing. I have a theory, which is mine. Well, this theory that I have--that is to say, which is mine-- mine. And the theory, which is mine, and belongs to me, is that Weiner is running as part of his couples therapy.

Stay with me for a moment on this. He entered the race for mayor knowing full well he had landmines and grenades laying about all over the place. And he's behaving bizarrely enough to warrant scrutiny by any passing cop. The boy ain't normal, is what I'm saying. But what if he underwent therapy to save his marriage to Huma Abedin, and in the course of that therapy, it came out that he still had the campaign bug, and big enough to really distract him from focusing on repairing his marriage?

Now a good therapist would have counseled him away from that kind of notion, no matter what modality their training took them. Sometimes, tho, particularly in B-Mod, you let the patient run a little out on the leash, like small dog sniffing a big dog's butt. He'll probably get smacked and high tail it back and then you'll be able to substitute in trying to be successful at something smaller, like his marriage.

So you, the therapist, leave him be to make his own mistakes, to yell publicly at his staff, to hand out cookies while smearing his opponents. He'll be back, and you can make another house payment.

9) Alex Rodriguez returns to the Bronx tonight for his first game back since the Commissioner suspended him for, well, forever. I would imagine there will be riot police standing by.  

10) Finally, dolphins beach all the time, altho not in such great numbers. So why not sharks, too? Indeed, the entire marine ecosystem seems to shifting north (or south, depending on your hemisphere) as manmade global warming devours our colder climates.