1) No. They're not. And our headlines are funnier.
2) ♪ Praise the Lord and pass the dutchie from the left hand side… ♫
3) You know, it's not like anyone couldn't see this story coming, or where it's headed.
4) Honey Badger may not give a fuck, but he's never eaten a gator.
5) Um, well, I guess this means Oreos can't get sunburned?
6) Mayor Bill Deblasio of New York has put his foot into a real storm. He wants to improve schools for all children. In order to do so, he has to defund the charter schools that suck the life blood out of the schools they are housed within (sort of mini-schools). Needless to say, parents of children in those schools, a few of which have been fairly successful experiments, are upset. Well, now Governor Cuomo has signaled he's against the Mayor. Personally, I think Deblasio's right: the money that's focused on those schools depletes the coffers for schools that really need a leg up, even as those schools are threatened with closure for underperformance. And there's your hint about what's really going on.
7) I might get behind this trade, if I was a city employee. Admittedly, one of the perks of civil service in NYC is the benefits package, since pay lags severely behind the private sector.
8) Putin twists arms, Crimea river.
9) On the one hand, it's nice that Google recognizes International Women's Day. On the other, do we really have to infantilize women? Crayons? Really?
10) Finally, Sad Trombone