Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Still In Holiday Mode

Y'know, after writing two lengthy pieces over the weekend about my country and my freedom, I thought I'd extend my four day holiday with some short, light-hearted pieces...
Man With Faulty Penile Implant Gets $400K

Associated Press Writer

June 27, 2006, 8:10 AM EDT

PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- A former handyman has won more than $400,000 in a lawsuit over a penile implant that gave him a 10-year erection.

Charles "Chick" Lennon, 68, received the steel and plastic implant in 1996, about two years before Viagra went on the market. The Dura-II is designed to allow impotent men to position the penis upward for sex, then lower it.

But Lennon could not position his penis downward. He said he could no longer hug people, ride a bike, swim or wear bathing trunks because of the pain and embarrassment. He has become a recluse and is uncomfortable being around his grandchildren, his lawyer said.
I'm not sure which is funnier about this story: the ten-year erection or that Lennon is a handyman...

Just kidding, of course. I, like every man in the world at some point, have often found myself in situations where my tumescence has taken some, um, handiwork to move out of embarassing moments and positions. Fortunately, my erections can wilt quickly when I need them to (I just imagine Ann Coulter nude). I can only imagine what it would be like to have to do that for ten years.

But now Lennon can ride a bike, swim, and be active with people again! Sounds like a tampon ad, but what the hey...Oh. In case you're wondering why he just doesn't have the implant removed, he has other health issues, such as heart trouble, that preclude surgery for this.
Fake agency offers ads on hookers' thighs

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A Dutch design student bored with conventional advertisements has set up a fake online agency offering advertising space for beer, cars and TV stations on prostitutes' thighs and cleavage.

On his website, Raoul Balai also proposed painting brand names on zoo animals and floating huge billboards off popular beaches to get vacationers' attention.

"I was getting sick and tired of advertising everywhere," Balai told reporters. "But I don't want to preach, and I thought satire would work better."

Far from taking his ideas as a joke, an Amsterdam zoo had its lawyer threaten Balai with a defamation suit after his website depicted fish from the zoo bearing the brand name of a frozen fish company.

Prospective customers phoning his fake agency are kept on hold and bombarded with sales pitches until they give up.
I don't read Dutch very well, but the gist of his website is that this is all satire, and as such, a joke. Wait a bit when you click the link, it loads slowly.

Scientist makes tiniest soccer pitch

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German scientist has created the world's smallest soccer pitch -- so minute that 20,000 of them could fit onto the tip of a human hair.

The imitation playing field, created by using nanotechnology, measures 500 by 380 nanometres and can only be seen through a special microscope, said creator Stefan Trellenkamp, whose country is hosting the 2006 World Cup.
A field on which the US stands an actual chance of winning the World Cup...

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