Sunday, February 04, 2007

An Anthropologic Clue To The Origins Of Republicanism

As we have all realized by now, Democrats tend to skew heavily to densely populated areas, where Republicans tend to live in less densely populated areas. A map of any Presidential election by election district will show this to be true.

There must be something in the outer suburban/rural lifestyle that creates Republicans. A stronger spirit of individualism? Fresh clean country air? Homogeneity of population?

How about "brain damage"?:
Teens call it "fence plowing" or "fence popping," and apparently it's the latest craze.

But Suffolk County police call it vandalism and Friday announced the arrest of five current and former students from Deer Park High School, charging them with criminal mischief and criminal tampering for destroying fences of at least 10 homes in Deer Park.

The idea of fence plowing -- the modern, suburban version of the legendary rural "cow tipping" craze -- is to run into a fence, knocking it down.
Hm. Cow tipping. Now fence plowing.

For those of you unfamiliar with New York State, Suffolk County is the furthest east county in the state, encompassing the eastern end of Long Island, hence it tends to be more sparsely populated than Nassau County, the western county of Long Island.

It also tends to be more, um, Caucasian, and is one of the seats of the anti-immigration movement in the United States, since many of the day laborers who manicure lawns and shovel snow and scrape private beaches have to live where there's work.

Suffolk County, during my lifetime, was home to some of the largest potato farms in America. I recall driving along the Expressway and seeing vast stretches of furrowed fields. There are still some left, I think, notably the largest near Bethpage.

But this "brain damage" trope...
Police said most of the incidents occurred on weekends, generally between midnight and 2:30 a.m. It was unclear, Edwards said, whether the teens videotaped the incidents.

But, he said, police believe the teens got the idea after seeing similar videos about fence plowing on the Internet.

"I can't imagine what entertainment value it is to run head first into a fence and possibly break your skull open," Edwards said. "Personally, I don't get it." But, he said: "Kids have always sought recognition from their peers. Now, I can do something and post it on the Internet and brag about it."
It has often been joked that a conservative is nothing more than a liberal who's been mugged, but we see now that mugging must include a blow to the head. I imagine that Ook and Eek back in caveman days had "political discussions" (probably because cousins Argh and Margh were looking at each other in a "Brokeback Mountain" sort of way, or because the neighboring tribe was sending over illegal migrant workers to help pick berries for both tribes), and Ook, who had been hit in the head by a rock while trying to cave plow, argued against both of these positions, and when Eek disagreed...well, that's how Ken Mehlman was born.

See? Republicanism is nothing more than a presenting symptom of a latent aneurysm! Be charitable and get your Republican friends to a doctor, stat!