Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Liveblogging The Tax Day Tea Party

7:00 PM This is Actor212, speaking to you live from City Hall Park near the site of the World Trade Center, where literally ones of people turned out today in support of the nationwide "Tea Bag Parties," protesting President Obama's plan to raise taxes on the fat and lazy rich.
7:05 PM I see over there on the corner a handful of former Lehman brokers, looking spiffy in their Brooks Brothers suits...even if it's been a few days since they've bathed, and haven't bothered to change clothes since Veteran's Day, shuffling around like they were about to board the trains to a Michelle malkin Internment camp, asking for spare stock tips, panhandling at Harry's Of Hanover Street, leaping off tall curbs trying to commit suicide, and then showing up in droves mobs small groups of one or less to protest the patent unfairness of Obama's tax policy.
7:06 PM One protestor I interviewed, a Richie McRich, talked about how Obama had his nerve asking the ultrawealthy to pitch in and help, when they have houses on small tropical islands to support and landscape.
7:07 PM OK, we've got a little action here. Apparently, one of the protestors, a lawyer from the looks of it, has spilled his Perrier all over one of the brokers, and accidentally washed a small patch of his suit clean.
7:15 PM So far, just a lot of speaking, squawking really, about "taxes", "flat", and "screwed". Sounds more like a union meeting at an unpopular Vegas strip club, but maybe they're just getting warmed up.
7:20 PM Is that Michelle Malkin? The cameras converge. Much anticipation of some violent and self-ignorant outburst....
7:21 PM Nope. Just a homeless Filipino collecting deposit bottles after losing his job at Citibank.
7:25 PM I'm surrounded by literally dozens of pigeons, scrambling for the crumbs left by a couple of protestors who bought a sack of Big Macs to feed the ensemble.
7:30 PM A couple of signs being held up...uh oh, the crowd suspects something about these protestors...they're conferring in a phone booth...I can't quite make out what...oh. OHHHHHHHHHHHH! Apparently some liberal infiltrators from ACORN have intruded! The tip-off was the fact that their signs were spelled correctly!
7:31 PM Someone is trying to show a's hard to see the screen of the cellphone from this far away...I'm about one-deep in the throng of five....
7:35 PM OK, I manage to elbow my way past the dude who thought we were having a free sex show, and the homeless guy who thought this was City Harvest...the video is from Chicago where apparently, a conservative comedy team is putting on a show for a handful of people and some Cubs fans staggering by..."Crocs & Stretch Pants" is the name of the group.
7:40 PM People are looking around at each other in embarassed silence.
7:45 PM The Lehman brokers are looking at people like they were giant hot dogs, drooling.
7:50 PM Uh oh, there's a few cops on the outskirts of the group, about a foot away from the podium, moving in closer, checking their watches. It must either be time to wrap this up, or a new batch of Krispy Kremes is baking and they want to see if they can beat the rush...
7:51 PM OK, I see looks like a nightstick raised up! Could we be seeing The Man oppressing our lowly taxpaying brethr-- Oh. No. Sorry. Jonah Goldberg showed up, carrying a salami and baguette.
8:00 PM It's starting to rain again; it's—the rain had slacked up a little bit. The back motors of the ship are just holding it just enough to keep it from— It's burst into flames! It burst into flames, and it's falling, it's crashing! Watch it! Watch it! Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Get this, Charlie; get this, Charlie! It's fire—and it's crashing! It's crashing terrible! Oh, my! Get out of the way, please! It's burning and bursting into flames; and the—and it's falling on the mooring-mast.This is terrible! This is the worst of the worst catastrophes in the world. Oh my President! It's flames... Crashing, oh! Four- or five-hundred feet into the sky and it—it's a terrific crash, ladies and gentlemen. It's smoke, and it's flames now; and the frame is crashing to the ground, not quite to the mooring-mast. Oh! The humanity! And all the passengers screaming around here. I told you; it—I can't even talk to people. Their friends are on there! Ah! It's—it—it's a—ah! I—I can't talk, ladies and gentlemen. Honest: it's just laying there, mass of smoking wreckage!
8:05 PM OK, I made that up, but it's FUCKING BORING HERE!!!!!!! Oh god, I could be home poking my eyes out with knitting needles!!!!! What have I done to deserve this fate?????
8:11 PM Now people are milling around, which is really funny to watch since there's maybe a dozen people here, four if you subtract the Fox News reporters. Try to organize four people to mill, it looks like a game of musical chairs.
8:15 PM It's agreed. No one wants to pay taxes and everyone would rather be home watching the Law and Order repeat. Even the Fox News reporters think we should go to a titty bar. Meeting adjourned!