Monday, December 05, 2011

Newt-Onian Physics

There's an interesting dynamic now taking shape in the GOP race: the rise of Newt Gingrich

Newt Gingrich drips with disdain for sound-bite politics, but last week he authored perhaps the best bumper sticker of the Republican primary race. “I don’t claim to be the perfect candidate,” he said. “I just claim to be a lot more conservative than Mitt Romney and a lot more electable than anyone else.”

In and of itself, that's a remarkable statement: Gingrich hasn't been on the national political scene since he was forced out as Speaker of the House way back in the Clinton administration. Even President Dumbya was smart enough to stay away from this pudgie toxic waste dump of stoopid.

But when you consider how Gingrich both withered away-- revelations of his demanding a divorce from his wife on what could have been her death-bed, complete with notepad of how to divide the marital assets, his numerous affairs with women clearly out of his league, his tantrum when he was forced to sit in the back of Air Force One on a state visit-- and his intervening years-- making television commercials with both Al Sharpton and Nancy Pelosi, calling out Paul Ryan's budget plan, accepting money from Freddie Mac while deriding them publicly, coming out in favor of a healthcare mandate, to name just a few-- make his "comeback," however temporary it is fated to be, pretty astounding.

It would not be unlike Eliot Spitzer deciding to run for President, and becoming the front-runner by basically making shit up about his past: "Twitter? What's that?"

I'm pretty convinced by now that President Obama and the Democratic party are egging on this "flavor-of-the-month" gallop by the various nags and dodgepots in the horserace to accomplish two things: to force the nomination into Mitt Romney's hands and then to force an insurgency candidacy by (choose your poison.)

Newt is just the current bookmark until the race begins in earnest early next year. The ideal scenario for the Democrats would be a bloody, heated battle between Newt (or whomever) and Mitt that would last well into the spring, exhausting the financial resources of both while tallying up much-needed ammunition for the general campaign.

I know, it's really unfair to hold a candidate to his own words, but what the hey, right?

That Newt believes he is more electable than anyone else running is a black mark on both the Republican party and Newt himself.

Newt's self-image is grossly out of proportion to his actual essence as a cad, liar, and coward. Somehow, tho, he's managed to surround himself with enough desperate people to "yes" him to death. This, I think, explains the mulitude of enticements that have been put in his way. Too, I think his success has come about because he operates at his best in an environment that applauds mediocrity. If Newt was playing tee ball today, he'd get a trpophy for getting the bat off his shoulder, is what I'm saying.

As for the party, that Newt can still be taken seriously as a candidate speaks to the shallowness of the gene pool, which happens when a small but vocal minority of your party has oversized influence. It would be nice to see the Olympia Snowes and Amo Houghtons of the GOP get a chance in the spotlight, but those candidacies would be non-starters, precisely because they want to work to make the country a better place, not pray it does.