Wednesday, January 08, 2014

McCain Both Wants and Doesn’t Want US Troops In Iraq

Senator John McCain is very angry and it is not the hemorrhoids. As you will see, Senator Lindsey Graham is taking care of those. McCain is upset, and rightly so, that Al-Qaida has taken control of the Iraqi cities of Ramadi and Fallujah. According to NPR, McCain is blaming Obama for all this including presumably the hemorrhoids. Or, and I’m just spit-balling here, it could his recent lack of TV coverage.

McCain believes that pulling out all of the US troops was a mistake, leaving the area vulnerable to America’s enemies. Now it’s a he-said-she-said war on why US troops aren’t in Iraq. Seriously. McCain says “top Iraqi officials” were ready to sign a status of forces agreement that would have prevented US troops from being tried in Iraqi courts, but Obama didn’t want to so the troops came home. Apparently, 86 months wasn’t enough for the Iraqis to get their shit together. Good news for John McCain he isn’t alone in this fight -- he’s joined by Sen. Graham (R- Of Course It’s Graham) in wishing we had “a residual force of 10- to 12,000 [troops]” still in Iraq.

Not surprisingly there are opposing views. Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations panel’s Middle East subcommittee, Virginia Democrat Tim Kaine, says the Iraqis did not want us there anymore -- at least under the terms explained earlier. And he named a name: Iraq’s foreign minister Hoshyar Zebari.

Then from the frozen tundra of Michigan Democrat Carl Levin explains that American military leaders supported the withdraw and then casually mentions that the pull-out date was set by the Bush Administration. Levin goes on to explain that Obama wanted to leave a residual force but the Iraqis wouldn’t let him.
"That was done ... by President Bush, sitting with President Maliki," Levin says. "There was nothing said, even at that time, about a status of forces agreement."
Realizing they are stupid, McCain and Graham explained that now they don’t want troops there but have some harsh words of Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, whom they are going to call. But then Vice President Joe Biden, realizing that McCain and Graham are stupid camera whores, whipped out his NexTel and hit up al-Maliki on the two-way explaining that he better get his shit together and start leading. Nouri was all, “OKOK, but can we please have a couple [what?] uh, 100 Hellfire missiles and [what?] and some spydrones?” Biden responded, “You got it, playboy.” And Lindsey Graham swooned.