Arguing With Conservatives: Redux

Every two years or so, I repost this moldy-oldy. It's still as funny today as it ever was.

 

An object lesson, forwarded to me by one of the ten smartest men in America (and a liberal):

Liberal: The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: No, it doesn't.

Liberal: Yes, it does. The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: What about Guam? What about that Guam, huh? Or the
Virgin Islands?

Liberal: Those are territories, not states. The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: Oh, so you're saying those don't count?

Liberal: Yes.

Conservative: Oh, so the people there don't count? They're not good enough, huh? I thought you liberals wanted everybody to be counted.

Liberal: No, I said the territories don't count as states. The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: You're really something, you know that? You liberals are always going on about how all of us conservatives are racists, how we don't care about anybody but people who look like us. But you don't even want to count the blacks who live in Guam as Americans.

Liberal: First of all, I never said all conservatives are racists.

Conservative: Yes, you did.

Liberal: No, I didn't.

Conservative: Michael Moore says it.

Liberal: I've never heard him say that.

Conservative: Yes, he does! He most definitely does!

Liberal: Look, I don't know what he says. That's beside the point. And the people in Guam "count," whatever that means. I don't even know who lives in Guam; I don't know the first thing about Guam. I'm just saying Guam isn't a state ­ it's a territory. The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: What about Puerto Rico?

Liberal: What?

Conservative: What about Puerto Rico, huh? You love all those Mexicans coming across the border stealing our jobs ­ you must LOVE Puerto Rico, right?

Liberal: I've never been to Puerto Rico.

Conservative: Well, I have, and those kind of people would be pretty offended to hear liberals like you saying they aren't real Americans!

Liberal: I didn't say that!

Conservative: You said they didn't count!

Liberal: I didn't say that either! No, wait, just wait… (takes deep breath). I only said the USA has fifty states. Puerto Rico isn't a state ­ it's a commonwealth.

Conservative: And they don't speak English!

Liberal: Well, many Puerto Ricans do.

Conservative: How do you know that? I've been there ­ you haven't!

Liberal: All right, OK, fine, whatever. But the USA has fifty states.

Conservative: Well, I say Puerto Rico counts.

Liberal: Fine, but not as a state.

Conservative: Well, that's YOUR opinion.

Liberal: It's not my opinion ­ it's a fact.

Conservative: Says you!

Liberal: No, not just "says me." It's a fact. Look it up.

Conservative: I don't have time.

Liberal: You don't have time to find out if the USA has fifty states?

Conservative: Listen, you may have time to sit around all day surfing on your liberal websites, downloading Michael Moore, but I've got things to do.

Liberal: Like reading about blacks in Guam and Mexicans in Puerto Rico?

Conservative: See, that's why you guys always lose. I'm trying to have a nice conversation, and you just keep up with the insults!

Liberal: Listen, I didn't mean to insult you.

Conservative: Oh, yes you did!

Liberal: No, look, I'm sorry, OK? I didn't mean to insult you. Honestly. It's just that… well, the USA has fifty states. That's a fact. And I'm just trying to state a fact, and you're getting very defensive, and…

Conservative: Oh, so now I'm defensive.

Liberal: Well…

Conservative: You just said you weren't going to insult me!

Liberal: Look, I'm just trying to say the USA has fifty states!

Conservative: According to YOUR sources!

Liberal: MY sources?! What are you talking about? Look it up!

Conservative: I told you, I don't have time to spend all day cruising the internet, looking up geography questions! Maybe if you were busier at your job, trying to live the American Dream, you wouldn't have time for all this hate!

Liberal: I work hard at my job!

Conservative: Then why are you spending all day downloading Michael Moore?

Liberal: I don't spend all day downloading Michael Moore! I don't even know what you mean by that! All I'm saying is that the USA has fifty states!

Conservative: Again, according to YOU!

Liberal: Not just me! Here, here's the World Book Encyclopedia. Look it up ­ it's fifty states!

Conservative: Oh, sure, the World Book! Yeah, like I'm going to believe the World Book!

Liberal: What?

Conservative: Come on, it's a liberal rag!

Liberal: (Long, teeth-gnashing pause) Look, just look up "United States of America." Ten bucks it says, "the USA has fifty states."

Conservative: Ten bucks, huh?

Liberal: Yeah, ten bucks. (pause) Wait, that's the "M" volume.

Conservative: I know.

Liberal: You need to look under "U" for "United States."

Conservative: I'm not looking for "United States." I'm looking for "Moore, Michael."

Liberal: What?!

Conservative: And when I find a big glowing article about him, you're going to owe me ten bucks!

Liberal: Why would I owe you ten bucks?!

Conservative: You bet me ten bucks that the World Book Encyclopedia isn't liberal.

Liberal: No I didn't!

Conservative: Yes, you did! You bet me ten bucks that I couldn't find a liberal article in the World Book. So when I find Michael Moore's picture, you owe me ten bucks!

Liberal: Oh, my lord…

Conservative: AHA!

Liberal: Listen, you idiot, just because you found Michael Moore's picture in the World Book doesn't mean that I owe you ten bucks! It doesn't mean the World Book is a liberal encyclopedia! And it certainly doesn't mean the USA doesn't have fifty states!!

Conservative: Oh, no? Look at this!

Liberal: (pause) "Massachusetts"?

Conservative: Bingo!

Liberal: What the hell does Massachusetts have to do with anything?

Conservative: The COMMONWEALTH of Massachusetts!

Liberal: So?

Conservative: So you said Puerto Rico is a commonwealth!

Liberal: Oh, no…

Conservative: You ADMITTED Puerto Rico was a commonwealth! Admit it, you said it!

Liberal: Oh, man…

Conservative: So if Massachusetts is a commonwealth, and Puerto Rico is a commonwealth, then they BOTH must be states! HA!

Liberal: OK, look…

Conservative: You owe me twenty bucks!

Liberal: What?

Conservative: Come one, pay up! Twenty bucks, let's go!

Liberal: I don't owe you twenty bucks!

Conservative: And I'm not even counting Pennsylvania!

Liberal: Pennsylvania?

Conservative: That's a commonwealth, too!

Liberal: It's a commonwealth, but…

Conservative: And Washington!

Liberal: All right, look, I lived in Seattle ­ Washington is NOT a commonwealth!

Conservative: Seattle's not even a state ­ it's a city!

Liberal: Yes, it's a city, in Washington State! Washington's a state!

Conservative: I'm talking about Washington D.C.

Liberal: What?

Conservative: Washington D.C. It's a city.

Liberal: I know what it is!

Conservative: Well, you liberals are always going on about "Statehood for Washington!" Which, you admit, is already a state!

Liberal: Washington D.C. is not a state!

Conservative: Washington State is!

Liberal: You just said Washington D.C.!

Conservative: And you said it should be a state!

Liberal: I never said that! I mean, it should be… but I never…look…

Conservative: Should Washington be a state?

Liberal: Well…

Conservative: Simple question.

Liberal: Washington State?

Conservative: Yes or No?

Liberal: Washington State or Washington D.C.?

Conservative: Right.

(Long pause)

Conservative: He snorts cocaine.

(Long, painful pause)

Liberal: (slowly) This is Washington D.C. you're talking about.

Conservative: Yeah. The mayor snorts cocaine.

Liberal: Actually, he's no longer the mayor…

Conservative: I don't think a state should have a governor who's used drugs.

Liberal: He's not the governor; Washington's not a…

Conservative: Except maybe California.

Liberal: OK, OK, stop for a moment…

Conservative: I mean, that was a long time ago…

Liberal: Listen, listen…

Conservative: I don't see Michael Moore making any movies about cocaine in Washington State, do you?

Liberal: Please, STOP!

(pause)

Liberal: Look, I'm just trying to make a simple point here…

Conservative: What about…

Liberal: STOP!!!

(long pause)

Liberal: I'm just trying to make a SIMPLE point here. It's not a big deal ­ it's just a fact. The USA has fifty states. That's all! Yes, Puerto Rico is a commonwealth, but it isn't counted among the fifty states. Yes, Massachusetts and Pennsylvania are commonwealths too. So are Virginia and, I think, Kentucky. I don't know about Kentucky for sure, and you know what ­ it doesn't matter! They're considered
states, OK? They're states. Washington D.C. isn't one, even though I wish it was. Guam isn't one. There are only fifty. Fifty states. Fifty stars on the flag ­ fifty states. That's all. Fifty.

(long pause)

Conservative: Rush is so right about you people.

Liberal: Huh?

Conservative: Rush. He gets it. You people are the worst.

Liberal: I don't…

Conservative: Here I am, trying to have an honest political discussion, and all you can do is bring up this liberal claptrap! You call people like Rush racists, but you don't want to count Mexicans as Americans. You insult the Governor of California every chance you get. You get all your information from encyclopedias and Michael
Moore. You want free cocaine in Washington, and you want Seattle to become a commonwealth, and you won't pay me my fifty dollars even after I proved that blacks run Guam! And then, worst of all, you insult our flag and our troops!!! You disgust me!

Liberal: Good-bye.

Conservative: See, there you liberals go again! Sneaking off to download porn from Kentucky! I'm not forgetting you owe me 100 dollars!

(pause)

Conservative: That's it, cut and run!

(long pause)

Conservative: Why do you hate America?

FINALLY!

Two hundred and thirty two years after the founding of this great nation, one hundred and forty three years after slavery was abolished across the land, a landmark has occured that truly signals the break with the ways of old, of segregation and discrimination, moving the United States forward into, well, the 20th Century, at any rate.

 

Many will say we have much work to do, and we do, to be sure, but the Tree of Liberty first grows higher and then spreads its branches out to protect the people beneath it. The Tree has pierced the sky now. It will be only a matter of time before Dr. King's dream is realized. Finally....

 

...Barack has come back to Invesco Field! (inside WWE joke)

Barack Hussein Obama, a freshman senator who defeated the first family of Democratic Party politics with a call for a fundamentally new course in politics, was nominated by his party on Wednesday to be the 44th president of the United States.

 

The unanimous vote made Mr. Obama the first African-American to become a major party nominee for president. It brought to an end an often-bitter two-year political struggle for the nomination with Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York, who, standing on a packed convention floor electric with anticipation, moved to halt the roll call in progress so that the convention could nominate Mr. Obama by acclamation. That it did with a succession of loud roars, followed by a swirl of dancing, embracing, high-fiving and chants of "Yes, we can."

No real surprise. This was a carefully orchestrated dance that Hillary and Barack hammered out in the days leading up to the convention. Hillary gets her name entered in the record books, and then calls off the "controversy" herself.

 

Moreover, in words that ought to give any PUMA pause, no less than the greatest President this nation has ever seen, the greatest peace-time leader in the history of the world, William Jefferson Clinton, came out in full voice and said "Barack Obama is ready to lead America and restore American leadership in the world. Barack Obama is ready to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. Barack Obama is ready to be president of the United States."

 

A more ringing endorsement you could not find from Obama's own family.

 

The wounds in the Democratic party are bandaged, and are healing. We unite today behind our nominee, our candidate, Barack Obama, the Great Facilitator, the face of America's future. Long may he serve as the guidepost of hope for this nation, and may God bless him in these troubled times ahead that he will lead us through.

 

In truth, God bless America.

Any Questions?

There. I hope the Obombers choke on their bile and swallow an huge helping of crow...

In a fiery call to arms last night, Hillary Clinton tried to clear up the one thing that hadn't been clear before: Her level of enthusiasm for making Barack Obama president.

In past speeches, she has offered sincere endorsements of Obama, but then gone on to extol the accomplishments of her own campaign. This time, perhaps sensing a greater urgency, she offered repeated appeals on Obama's behalf.

"I want you to ask yourselves: Were you in this campaign just for me?" she asked, in what seemed like a question directed at the roughly 30 percent of her supporters who are resisting Obama, according to polls. "Or were you in it for that young Marine and others like him? Were you in it for that mom struggling with cancer while raising her kids? Were you in it for that boy and his mom surviving on the minimum wage? Were you in it for all the people in this country who feel invisible?"

She linked the historic moment of her campaign, the first by a women to make a serious run at the nomination of a major political party, to the other historic moment that won out, the mealymouthed whining of a bunch of progressives who hate her and, taking great pride in their misogyny, backed a man whose character has shown that he will struggle in the general election, making what should have been a Democratic, any Democrat, coronation into a horse race.

 

She even tore a rhetorical page out of Obama's playbook and took great pains to praise John McCain, just before launching into the most vicious attack on McCain during the convention. Now we know part of the deal struck between the two candidates.

 

Pundits will spin this speech a million different ways, and find nuances in phrasing and applause lines. The simple truth is, Senator Clinton looked her constituency right in the eye and in plain terms told them they need to vote for Obama for President.

 

And that cannot be spun in any other fashion by any rabid nutcase lefty who still believes the Clintons are only out for themselves.

 

Now...let's go kick the wheelchair out from under that old guy from Arizona!

What's Old Is News Again

Who would have thunk that, twenty years later, Eddie Murphy would be as relevant as he was in 1984?:

Plot to Kill Obama: Shoot From High Vantage Point

Denver's U.S. attorney is expected to speak on Tuesday afternoon about the arrests of four people suspected in a possible plot to shoot Barack Obama at his Thursday night acceptance speech in Denver. All are being held on either drug or weapons charges.

One of those suspects spoke exclusively to CBS4 investigative reporter Brian Maass from inside the Denver City Jail late Monday night and said his friends had discussed killing Obama.

"So your friends were saying threatening things about Obama?" Maass asked.

"Yeah," Nathan Johnson replied.

"It sounded like they didn't want him to be president?"

"Yeah," Johnson said.

Maass reported earlier Monday that one of the suspects told authorities they were "going to shoot Obama from a high vantage point using a ... rifle ... sighted at 750 yards."

Presumably, this could really only happen at Invesco Field during the acceptance speech. Traditionally, the presumptive nominee doesn't even appear near the convention until the night of his actual nomination and then only briefly.

Now, I'm not sure what kind of sniper rifle one might need while, say, hunting squirrels or defending your acre of property from intruders, but it seems to me this is likely overkill as a legitimate weapon under the spirit of the Second Amendment, even if the SCOTUS recently made the ridiculous ruling that the Second Amendment applies to individual gun ownership rights as opposed to membership in a militia.

And yet, this rifle with a range of nearly half a mile and more was available legally to a nutcase. There's something wrong with this nation. Particularly when we can't win all the frikkin' shooting medals at the Olympics!

It's not like the rifle is the only assault Obama has to beware at the convention, either. The PUMAs are out in force, it seems:

As frustrated Democrats converged on Denver yesterday, some began chanting "caucus fraud," while others shouted the word "sweetie," a reference to the time Obama called a female reporter by the same name. One Clinton supporter who spoke to ABC News said Obama couldn't be trusted. Another said, "He's shifty and untrustworthy." It was assuredly not the kind of message Obama and his diligently image-conscious team were counting on at the Democratic National Convention.

Clinton will have to give a very strong warning in her speech tonight about uniting behind Obama, but even then, there are hurt feelings on all sides, and while this is not a rift that cannot heal, it will take time.

Ironically, the longer the primary season ran and passions grew deeper, the shorter the healing process would be. My guess is sometime in the Spring of 2009, Obama will have to make a very public genuflection towards Hillary's supporters, perhaps by championing a signal piece of legislation.

Assuming he wins, of course. If he doesn't, then the Democratic party will destroy itself from within, backbiting and fingerpointing.

See, when Kerry lost the 2004 election, you could very easily finger the culprit: the candidate himself. That's not going to be quite so easy this time. Obama is not running against a failed incumbent, but a fairly well-liked and respected Senator. Obombers will blame Clinton, foolishly, for his loss, for dragging the campaign out, for exposing Obama's flaws.

And Clintonistas will merely point out that, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen and let the woman finish cooking. Should Obama lose, he and the people who supported him so vociferously calling for Hillary's ouster from the campaign, will be made to pay heavy prices.

Harry Reid might find himself out of the job as Senate Majority Leader (indeed, it won't surprise me to find out part of Hillary's deal with Obama involves Reid's ouster), replaced by Hillary Clinton.

Of course, this entire scenario goes by the board if Obama wins, and the best way for Obama to win is for Hillary to forcefully make the case that her delegates should not only vote for Obama (maybe on the second ballot), but then shift their support fully to him.

Right now, Hillary supporters have gone to Obama by about 70-30. By making the case for an Obama presidency, Clinton will have tilted that further, and make the issue non-existent except in the darker deeper recesses of the paranoid fringe.

She should do it, too, and I expect she will. If her eight years as senator have taught her anything, there are some forces even a Clinton cannot hold back.

(much love to Memeorandum for the hat tip)

The Convention

You would think a breath of fresh air might accompany the opening gavel of the most historic convention in American history, the Democratic National Convention To Select The Scary Black Man and His Sidekick, Blabbermouth.

 

You'd think, and you'd be wrong:

As Democrats arrived here Sunday for a convention intended to promote party unity, mistrust and resentments continued to boil among top associates of presumptive nominee Barack Obama and his defeated rival, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

One flashpoint is the assigned speech topic for former president Bill Clinton, who is scheduled to speak Wednesday night, when the convention theme is "Securing America's Future." The night's speakers will argue that Obama would be a more effective commander in chief than his Republican rival, Sen. John McCain (Ariz.).

The former president is disappointed, associates said, because he is eager to speak about the economy and more broadly about Democratic ideas — emphasizing the contrast between the Bush years and his own record in the 1990s.

This is an especially sore point for Bill Clinton, people close to him say, because among many grievances he has about the campaign Obama waged against his wife is a belief that the candidate poor-mouthed the political and policy successes of his two terms.

Now, it occurs to the diplomat and politician in me, as well as should occur to Clinton, that securing America's future means a return to sound fiscal policies, the ones of the Clinton administration, the ones that secured the single greatest economic boom in the history of mankind (not to make too big a deal of it).

 

Indeed, I would imagine that this story is an Obomber or a PUMA plant, or possibly a Rove plant, designed to create a tempest where none exists. True, Obama dissed, mightily, Clinton's legacy, and he will pay for that at some point down the road, but make no mistake about it: when that payback comes, it will not be in the gaudy lights of Denver, but in the smoke-filled backrooms of the Senate.

 

There's too much at stake here, and not enough wiggle room to manuever.

 

Ironically, had Obama chosen Hillary as his Vice Presidential candidate, an awful lot of this rumour would have been emasculated from the get-go. Choosing Biden was not precisely stimulating news (his hair plugs get more coverage), and it's hard to rally around a man who's claim to fame is being trounced twice running for the top job.

 

Hillary would have given a large bounce immediately to the polls, but the open-ended questions regarding her candidacy would have likely given some of that advantage back, too. However, a true change agent, someone interested in showing a new political face to the world, would have chosen her, if for no other reason than to show that bygones truly were bygones and he was prepared to heal the electorate.

 

Of course, the McCain campaign has jumped ugly already on the choice of Biden. It is interesting that they picked up on this theme. No doubt the choice of Hillary as either nominee or vice presidential pick would have generated a completely different ad, the clear inference here being that Hillary voters should cross parties, remembering their Reagan Democratic roots while forgetting that the Republican party abandoned them in favor of the monied class.

 

But I digress...

 

More interesting to me this go-round will be Hillary's keynote address to the Convention, scheduled for Tuesday night.

 

She's stuck between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, she has to give full-throated, unrelenting support to Obama's candidacy (and she's been very very good doing that these past weeks), on the other, she has some wiggle room now that it has been revealed that she was never even in consideration for the Veep nod.

 

Obama strikes me as the kind of kid who you really hated to see win, because he'd get all "smack talk" in your face, and you really just wanted to beat his scrawny little ass the next go-round, which is why I think we may see a Hillary campaign in 2012 if Obama falters in the least (and he will). It will be interesting to see if Hillary leaves the door open even a crack tomorrow night. In my mind, she shouldn't, but the urge to keep the uncertainty flowing for four years will be immense, the old "lead me not into temptation, I'd rather find it myself" saw comes into play here.

 

You know, just when I was looking forward to finally falling asleep at a decent hour after the Olympics, they go and throw this at me...

(h/t Memeorandum for showing da love)

Want To Keep Track of the Medal Count?

Here ya go!

Olympic Medal winners at NBC Olympics.com!

The Dude A-Biden

Hm. An interesting, if obvious, choice of Vice Presidential running mate for Barack Obama is Joe Biden, Senator from Delaware. He brings experience, intelligence, and foreign affairs knowledge out the wazoo.

Along with a lot of baggage.

I think it's somewhat ironic that Biden was Obama's choice, because the one big flaw he has, running his mouth off, is what got Obama noticed nationally in the first place. Remember this juicy little tidbit?

"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy," Biden said. "I mean, that's a storybook, man."

Funny how no one really played the race card there, but the second the Big Dog mentioned "fairy tales" in the same breath as "Obama campaign, eevn though he was talking about Obama claiming to be anitwar, "RACIST! RACIST CRACKER!" came rolling down the hills like flaming barrels of pitch!

Now, Biden has some strategic significance. Like Hillary Clinton, Biden has ties to the working class areas of Pennsylvania, Scranton and Wilkes-Barre, and is the senior senator from neighboring Delaware. Too, at age 65, presumably after 8 years of Obama, Biden would be too old to run for President, thus limiting his danger to the Obama agenda.

And clearing a path to the Presidency for Hillary, should she decide to run at that time. Biden would also lubricate what will likely be a contentious first term in the Democratic Senate.

See, just because Obama is President doesn't mean he'll automatically get his way. First, you have the Clinton faction who would love nothing but to pick off opportunities to injure Obama's legacy, but also, there are likely a significant number of senior Senators who view Obama's rapid rise in politics as something to take down a peg (Biden was probably one of them, so this removes one large obstacle in the same motion).

All in all, this is more of a win for Obama than a loss. There are several issues confronting Biden (after all, if he were perfect, it would be "Biden/Obama '08") most notably his ego and his uncontrollable mouth.

Those could hurt Obama, big time. But, Biden might be a good soldier. He carried a lot of water for Bill Clinton during those years.

I look forward to this ticket.

Friday Music Blogging

The Who - Love Reign O'er Me

I may have to pull some strings, but I think I'm going to go see them this fall and see if I can get backstage. If I do, I'll be posting a report.

Nobody Asked Me, But...

1) Best quote of the week:

Of all the negative achievements in Lieberman’s career, it’s hard to top making Cheney the most likable man in the room.
- Gail Collins

2) The Olympics are drawing to a close, and I am puzzled by one thing that has troubled me since I can remember: why is it, the one nation that practically GIVES you a fucking gun at birth can't hit a fucking target unless it's a black man scurrying across a lawn????

3) I wonder if this is John McCain's way of introducing his running mate, Co-Cain?

4) Yes, that was a stretch. What's it to ya?

5) Geez, what did you expect? It was "found" in the backwoods of North Carolina!

6) I mean, seriously, how stupid do you have to be to decide you want to present all this DNA evidence and an "actual" body? Seriously, how much of a redneck do you have to be? You figure some good ol' boys might dummy up a hoax like this, but to go so far that one gets fired from his job? As a COP?!?!?!

7) "I'm pretty disciplined on this," Obama said on CBS's "The Early Show" when asked about the choice of VP. No, you're acting like a petulant asshole, chum.

8) Apprently, George Bush does not believe that John McCain was tortured. If so, then John McCain aided and abetted an enemy in a time of war, and is a traitor.

9) I say that jokingly, to point out that if McCain was a Democrat, that's precisely what the wingnutcases would be smearing him with.

10) Don't believe me? Here ya go!

11) Not a good week for Olympians.

12) Wow! I guess David Vitter will be busy in Minneapolis!

13) We can finally put to rest the tales of 9/11 conspiracies, at least as far as WTC 7 goes. You don't get much more independent than NIST.

14) We need more judges like this.

Getting All "Dr. Phil" On Barry

This article raises some interesting issues, stuff that's bothered me about Barack Obama since he started stirring the pot during the primaries:

It's not panic time - yet - but some Democrats watching Barack Obama say his campaign should have gotten a wake-up call this week, not only from his appearance with John McCain at the Saddleback Church but from a major poll suggesting he no longer leads his GOP opponent.

At the Saddleback forum with Pastor Rick Warren on Saturday in Orange County, the Republican presidential candidate delivered on-the-money messages and answers so effective they were "scary to me," said George Lakoff, a renowned author and UC Berkeley linguistics professor who has studied how the human brain absorbs and processes messages.

[...]By contrast, Obama was "overconfident ... and certainly not prepared" before the evangelical audience with definitive answers to clearly explain to voters his world view, values and vision, Lakoff said.

Now, admittedly, you could view the Saddleback forum as an exhibition game ahead of Opening Day. It was not that formal a debate setting, the questions were designed to be fairly easy, which means they involved more philosophy than intellect.

The problem Obama will face in the general election is he speaks like a college professor, which works well with his base, but he does not speak like a church minister, which works better with the audience he's looking to attract now.

Lakoff's right and he's wrong: Obama's message is not that much more different than Bill Clinton's, both have spoken about personal and shared responsibilities, but Clinton could deliver it in warm tones and words ordinary people use, and sentences that don't sound like they were lifted from the pages of a self-help book ("You are the change you seek"). That's a fine philosophical passage (Gandhi said it) but it's a tin-eared man who would dare say that in his stump speech and not think he was coming off messianic.

The difficult task ahead for Obama is now redefining himself in the eyes of Americans. While this debate seemed unimportant, particularly to those of us still licking our wounds from the primary campaign and were paying close attention, this debate, as moderated by one of the most popular televangelists in America, was the first time Barack Obama was seen by large numbers of people who were, to say the least, confused about who he was, based on the media.

He is either a shining haloed messiah to the left or a Muslim-born and raised black man who associates with known terrorists, with a funny sounding name to the right. People square in the middle, the lion's share of undecided voters, 13% in the recent Zogby poll the SFGate article cites,half of whom voted for Hillary, could be swayed either way, and this is where Obama's "gun & religion clinging white folks" comments have come back to haunt him.

He has to reintroduce himself. Opening day is next week.

Hump Day Comedy Blogging

Posted Without Comment. Click on image for larger view.

The Short List

During my campaign, I have have often been asked, "Who would I choose as a running mate?" Clearly, the very serious office of NotPresident requires choosing a helpmeet of similar gravity.

Much speculation has been made with regards to the choices for Senators Barack Obama and John McCain Vice Presidential candidates.

I would like to end the speculation regarding who I would choose as my running mate right now. I figure I can grab a cheap mention by Memeorandum, and perhaps some of the thunder from Messrs. Obama and McCain.

For my NotVicePresident, I have chosen Pamela Anderson.

Perhaps I should explain why. Ms Anderson clearly bring a couple of assets to the office. Yes, those (gotcha! :-D ), but I had other thoughts in mind as well.

One possible definition of the term "vice president" would be "the president of vice". This opens up fertile virgin ground on which to consider options.

Indeed, Ms. Anderson has some experience in this area. In fact, she could conceivably have more experience than yours truly, thus strengthening an already strong feature of my campaign. Part of my platform is to bring back vice into the private lives of Americans.

Too, she can reach out to voters on both sides of aisle. She has a proven track record with tree-hugging liberals like Tommy Lee, as well as staunch conservative biker-fight-bitch-slappers like the McCain supporting Kid Rock.

In addition, like me, she is of Finnish descent...what is in our water?...so that means she has at least some fluency in the evangelical church, which would attract the Southern Christian vote in droves.

Just imagine her in a robe on the altar giving a homily, after being doused with a bucket of water. Parishioners would rise in celebration! Talk about a candidate who can get Americans to come together!

Clearly, she's an amazingly intelligent woman, having started out with next to nothing as a small-town Canadian girl, and parlaying and pumping up her meager assets into a multimillion dollar empire. Intelligence of all kinds will not go unrewarded in my administration. There will never be a missed NotPresidential debriefing by ANYONE so long as Pamela is there, fresh out of the shower. The things she could elicit from my staff would be astoundingly profound.

Her background in film would serve well on the Notcampaign trail, too, as she would clearly be a walking photo op wherever she goes.

On a darker note, her past would be fertile ground for the tabloids, thus deflecting their attention from my own peccadilloes and perversions. Look, the 80s were a bit of a blur for me, OK? With Anderson as my running mate...and who wouldn't want to see that!...no one would care about my goat and dwarf episode from Studio 54...they'd just put her Tommy Lee sex tape on endless loop on Fox News!

Now, I know the Constitution has this silly law with regards to American citizenship and the office of the President, so let me point out two things: 1) I'm not running for President, and 2) I could solve the problem with one stroke, and invade and occupy Canada. Thank you George W. Bush for making it OK to violate the sovereignty of a nation!

But, as I have not formally offered the job to her, I understand she might reject me out of hand.

So to speak. So I have a back up candidate in mind: Carmen Electra.

In fact, seeing as we're discussing vices, why not both? That ought to get me about 70% of the vote, having them both on my ticket, together...closely!

Paradigms Found

The only freedom which deserves the name, is that of pursuing our own good in our own way, so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs, or impede their efforts to obtain it. Each is the proper guardian of his own health, whether bodily, or mental and spiritual. Mankind are greater gainers by suffering each other to live as seems good to themselves, than by compelling each to live as seems good to the rest. 

(Emphasis added)

What is "freedom"?

Much has been made on the right wing of this body politic of the word freedom.

Conservatives claim to be the protectors of our freedom, but in reality, theirs is not a protection as much as it is a raping, for they honor the first part of this clause, the part that reads "pursuing our own good in our own way," while ignoring the balance of the equation, the "tyranny of the majority."

If you contemplate this dynamic, of almost libertine allowance of the plundering of our national resources, natural and human, you understand the great flaw of the right wing. One must give back to the community, because the community is what is being plundered for the self. The sheer act of plunder creates a situation where you "deprive others" of their freedom.

As a liberal and libertarian, to me, government is the balance for the equation. Good government guarantees individual freedom. Bad government steals it. For the past eight years, we've seen horrific government. We've allowed our freedoms to be eroded, and in return have seen nothing but heartache and misery.

The underlying flaw of any political or economic system-- democracy, capitalism, socialism, communism, even dictatorship-- is the human element: people cannot be easily predicted or controlled. In the right wing interpretation of a capitalist democracy, there is simply no accounting for the greed, avarice and rapaciousness of individuals.

Even Adam Smith, the father of modern capitalism, warns of this and suggests the only power great enough to deflect these basic human impulses is government.

The Republicans would ignore this, in the mode of Gordon Gecko in the movie Wall Street: Greed is good.

How much is enough? The world is not a win-win game, we've learned that hard lesson over the millenia.

How many billions must one billionaire have, and why? Those billions are earned on the backs of, well, billions of other people. It not only takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to raise a millionaire and a planet to raise a billionaire.

The essence of humanity is to compete with each other, unless you've subsumed the Buddhist philosophy of not wanting. To want is to fight, to fight is to either win or lose.

It is the losers that government should protect. Government's sole responsibility should be to provide protection and opportunity for the people who need the most help, and not grease the wheels for those who are already on their way to success, such as it is defined in the current vernacular.

In point of fact, protecting the "losers", providing opportunity, promoting the general welfare, provides us all with a richer and yes more competitive atmosphere.

Smith's contention that individual self-interest benefits us all through innovation and efficiency's is not wrong and it is not lost in an economy that is governed by oversight, refereed with justice and judgement. It is enhanced. It lowers barriers to entry, deflects predatory practices (could you imagine the subprime mortgage market if there had been someone to say "Stop!" three or four years ago?), and makes rational choices, choices that humans in large numbers are incapable of, precisely because competition forces their hands to make irrational choices.

To cheat. To lie. To steal. These are "rational" only in terms of the game of capitalism, which honors fairness and honesty only when these are breached.

As liberals, we need to stress that we espouse "fair enterprise," to riff off the "fair trade" movement, capitalism with the human element recognized and protected.

UPDATE: Random Moron A seems to be struggling with the conceit that the justice system is part of the government. Go see if you can help him out. Here's a good place to start.

Demolition Man

People spoke, either admiringly or jealously, of Ronald Reagan as "the Teflon President," where corruption and scandal slipped off him like a fried egg from a skillet. It should be noted that the implication of the moniker is that Reagan was indeed a corrupt bastard whose lingering death was thoroughly justified, just as John "Teflon John" Gotti was among the most notorious gangsters this country has ever produced.

But far outclassing them all, I think, in terms of his Teflon coating is George W. Bush. To-wit:

Under pressure over impending impeachment charges, President Pervez Musharraf announced he would resign Monday, ending nearly nine years as the head of one of the United States’ most important allies in the campaign against terrorism.

By my count...Japan and England being among the largest coups... this now makes something like a half dozen world leaders who had closely allied themselves with Bush's Middle Eastern hegemonic ambitions who have now fallen on their swords partly because of it.

Yes, there are lingering corruption charges in Pakistan and Pakistan is not exactly a hotbed of good government, but Musharraf was considered a fairly benevolent leader prior to 2002, and was popular.

The moment he was basically blackmailed into partnering with Bush's ill-fated search for Osama bin Laden, his popularity began to spiral downward.

And yet, there's ol' Dumbya sitting there, just tearing pages off the calendar and packing boxes, waiting to leave office. Nothing seems to touch him despite the fact that he knew about the Plame affair, despite the fact he personally knew there were no WMDs in Iraq, despite the fact he received a Presidential Daily Briefing a month ahead of September 11, and did nothing,

This goes beyond minor internal corruption. This goes beyond the Constitutional violations of the Nixon administration. This certainly goes beyond consensual sex! This is the deliberate and negligent seditious behaviour of someone who at the kindest does not have his nation's best interests at heart, doesn't care, and at worst is raping the resources of this nation to benefit some private agenda.

That last alone ought to be an impeachable offense.

The trouble here now is that, between an unstable nuclear power, Pakistan, and an angry aggressive rival, Russia (Putin, who opposed the Iraq invasion, is still strongly in power. Wonder why...), Bush has left the fuse to the powder keg lying dangerously close to a sparking flame.

And it's getting warm in here...

(props to Memeorandum for tapping this)

Ron Suskind on Democracy Now

Suskind's new book, The Way of the World: A Story of Truth and Hope in an Age of Extremism, is going to be the foundation of another congressional investigation.
Good luck with that, John Conyers. And I mean that sincerely.
Did you know there's an interogation cell that's been used in the basement of the White House?
But I digress.
Again.
Anyhoo, this two part read/viewing is a great overview of his new book.
Which is chock full of evidentiary goodness.
Part One
Part Two

Sasquashed!

I would be excited by this story, if it was true. Somehow I doubt it.

The buzz created around Bigfoot’s recent discovery reached unprecedented heights, especially due to the promises about the upcoming "DNA evidence and photo evidence" releases, expected later today. The announcement was made by the Web site SearchingForBigfoot.com, which actually claims to have a real specimen.

According to the researchers involved, Mathew Whitton, Tom Biscardi and Rick Dyer, the creature is 7 feet and 7 inches tall, weights close to 500 pounds and presents features from both human and ape. Also, other details are offered on the Web site: the Bigfoot has reddish hair, black-gray eyes and its footprint measures almost 27 inches long and almost 6 inches across.

The evidence should be released later today during a news conference in California.

There's a ring of truth element that I sense is missing here. I can't put my finger on it, but I truly sense there's an elaborate hoax being perpetrated.

I'm not so certain of that feeling that I'd put any money on it at all, but just an unease, and my gut instinct. Perhaps it's the fact that the referenced website has already been taken down for exceeding it's bandwith (check it out).

Perhaps it's the fact that the website is registered to "registercom", one of those DIY website providers, as opposed to a legitimate commercial domain provider (Think "GoDaddy.com").

Or maybe it's the fact that the person behind the "search", Tom Biscardi, has a reputation of not making good on similar promises to produce a Bigfoot in the past, despite swearing he could capture one live on pay-per-view TV...for only $59.95!

Whatever. This smells funny, and I don't mean the freezer they stuck the corpse in wasn't working (see photo)

Now, all that said, I want to go on record saying that it wouldn't surprise me if we actually do have some North American great ape, perhaps even a hominid, running around the wilds of the country. There are 310 million Americans, and 160 million live within 150 miles of the coastlines.

That means there's an awful lot of wilderness for an intelligent species to hide in, spotted only rarely.

Too, there's enough circumstantial evidence to support the possibility. But not the probability, and there's the rub.

Tales of dragons, unicorns, fairies, and monsters have been with us since the first time the sun went down on a human being who had an imagination. Tales told around tribal campfires are no different than turning on the television and watching "proof" of UFOs: it's a uniting theory, that there are mysterious creatures around us. It reinforces tribal bonds, brings us closer against a potential common foe, and can be used to scare people into conformity ("Don't go in the forest at night!").

In many respects, these myths mirror organized religion, proposing a mystical being and endowing it with some form of control over us.

But...

Yes, I believe that one day we will likely find a creature who is close enough in appearance to justify calling him "Bigfoot" (unlike the one-horned goat that Barnum & Bailey circus fobbed off on us as an unicorn).

It will be a welcome reminder that, just as Christians don't know it all, neither do scientists. The difference, of course, is most scientists will admit that.

The reason I felt this was such an important story is, keep this tale in mind when your right wing friends start talking about this:

Two weeks before Obama accepts the Democratic nomination for president, conservative author Jerome R. Corsi has attacked his story with a narrative of his own: The son of an "alcoholic polygamist," Obama deals with his abandonment issues and "black rage" by experimenting with drugs and radical thought. He makes a calculated entrance into politics despite having accomplished little and having developed some "anti-American" sentiments. Once in office, he regularly manipulates the political machine and becomes a liberal who will "divide America."

Jerome Corsi. Tom Biscardi. P. T. Barnum.

Coincidence? Fleecing the ignorant is amazingly simple. After all, *somebody* falls for that Nigerian e-mail scam often enough that it's still popular!

(h/t to Memeorandum for showing the love)

UPDATE:

"Lee" in comments points out that parallel stories to Bigfoot have also appeared in the press recently:The Montauk Monster (probably a large dog, maybe a bull mastiff, bloated from decomposition in salt water) and a chupacabra, clearly a dog from the distinctive running motion (see video)

Hump Day Comedy Blogging

It is good to see enemy of liberals everywhere, Jesus' General, has lent his not-inconsiderable talents to the McCain campaign.

The Bush Legacy

I had intended a very different post this morning, until I logged into the news...

1) Caucasus ceasefire holds despite war of words - The ceasefire in the Caucasus conflict appeared to be holding today as Russia reported the pullback of Georgian troops from South Ossetia and denied Georgian claims that it was deploying more troops on Georgian territory outside the disputed province.

In particular, Moscow denied Georgian claims that 50 of its tanks were in Gori, the Georgian city near the Ossential border. The city had been abandoned by its authorities who had fled, said General Anatoly Nogovitsyn, deputy head of the Russian General Staff. "We cannot find anyone. How they were evacuated and what happened there is a mystery to us," he said.

Russia continued to vent its anger on what it called Georgian aggression and atrocities as European foreign ministers gave the Union's blessing to a ceasefire accord that was brokered in Moscow yesterday by Nicolas Sarkozy, the French President and current EU chairman.

2) Western Aid Workers Ambushed, Killed Near Kabul - Afghan officials say gunmen have killed three foreign aid workers - all women - during an ambush in eastern Logar province.

3) Lebanon Bomb Kills at Least 10 People - A bomb hidden in a briefcase exploded on a bus in the northern Lebanese city of Tripoli during morning rush hour on Wednesday, killing at least 10 people and wounding 30 others, the Lebanese Army said.

Lebanon has suffered a wave of bombings in recent years, including the 2005 killing of the former prime minister Rafik Hariri, which led to political upheaval in the country. However, the attack Wednesday was the first large-scale bombing in months.

4) Death toll hits 20 in Kashmir protests - Violent protests continued across Kashmir Wednesday, as the death toll from the past two days of demonstrations rose to 20, a senior police official said.

5) Philippines 'Liberates' 15 Villagers From Muslim Rebels - Philippine security forces on Wednesday announced they have "liberated" 15 villages forcibly occupied by Muslim rebels since July after three days of heavy fighting in southern Philippines.

Philippine Defense Chief Gilberto Teodoro, Jr., said the rebels retreated on Sunday after heavy air and ground assaults. More than 80,000 people displaced by the conflict in North Cotabato, have returned home.

Teodoro's statement was confirmed by Major-General Armando Cunanan, commander of the Armed Forces Eastern Command. He confirmed that the estimated 800 Moro Islamic Liberation Front guerillas that occupied the villages have fled.

6) Pakistan bomb hits military truck; at least 14 dead - At least 14 people were killed Tuesday in the roadside bombing of a Pakistani military truck, an attack authorities blamed on Islamic militants.

The powerful blast occurred just outside Peshawar, the nearest large city to a tribal area along the border with Afghanistan that has been raked by fighting for nearly a week.

7) Al-Qaida linked group takes sides in recent coup - A terror group linked to al-Qaida called for holy war in Mauritania following a coup last week that overthrew its democratically elected government.

"You Muslims prepare for war and raise the banner of jihad. Let us shed our blood, let our limbs be dismembered until we regain the wise caliphate rule," said the statement posted Tuesday on an Islamic web site.

The statement was signed by Abu Musab Abdulwadood, the leader of Al-Qaida in Islamic North Africa, a cell that has been blamed for a string of attacks in Mauritania including last year's murder of four French tourists.

8) Three Security Officials Killed in W. China - Three security officials were killed at a roadside checkpoint in western China's Xinjiang region Tuesday when at least one assailant jumped off a passing vehicle and stabbed them to death, state media reported. It was the third deadly incident in nine days, coinciding with the opening of the Olympic Games in Beijing.

We were supposed to be bringing peace to the Muslim world. We were going to give them a spoonful of democracy and hold their noses and ram it down their throats until they swallowed it whole, then pat them on the head and say "Good boys! Now go out and play..." only they spit the medicine out and decided to go out and play.

Which makes sense. Our president plays with his tin soldiers, and expects everyone else to busy themselves with their day-to-day lives, even his own people.

What the Bush regime and their cabal do not seem to grasp is that freedom comes with a price: blood.

Dumbya has tried to run bloodless coups across the Arabic and Muslim world, but these are not stupid people. These are nations with histories and cultures and yes, they've been thru this before, as recently as the 20th Century when the patrician states of Europe divvied up the Middle East along economic and not population lines.

And now the djinn is out of the bottle. Now the festering violence that had simmered but remained in control, bottled up by the rational thoughts of men and women, has flared up and is spreading across the nations of Asia and even Europe like a fire that cannot be contained by mortals.

And Bush and his cronies laugh, leaving a world far worse off than they inherited. We were at peace. We spent eight years of the Clinton Administration at peace and in prosperity, with surpluses of goodwill and good money.

Now our dollar, so closely tied to those interests that we have antagonized, has fallen through the floor. When Bush took office, the euro purchased about 80 cents American. Now, the dollar purchases about one-third of the euro. Now our dollar, tied to the price of oil, works against us, not for us, as consumers pay more and more for gasoline and heating oil, precisely because our President has bungled the first and only mandate of his office: to faithfully execute the office of President of the United States.

That's not *some* states, Mr. Bush, but ALL states, and that means you had a fiduciary duty to this country to prevent harm. And that means not only interior to our borders but to protect us from harm outside them as well: aid workers shouldn't be killed in Afghanistan because of miserable decisions on your part that will benefit you long after you have shuffled off these (and I use the term loosely, because you clearly believe in lip service) "responsibilities".

Indeed, it is likely that whomever handles your personal wealth has already instituted a "win-win" for you. If this were a fair and decent world, you would be made to pay restitution out of your pocket to the thousands of families of American soldiers who have died fighting your war, sir.

Your war. Not ours. You scratch your head and wonder why the nation nearly to a man disagrees with you on this point? It is because we had no say. Indeed, we were told that dissent in a time of terror alerts was unpatriotic, as if patriotism stops outside our borders.

Well, we see a far greater terror within and it sits in a chair in an Oval Office at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and fortunately, it will be extricated, by hook or by crook, on 20 January, 2009.

Mark that date carefully, Mr. Bush, the day you are exiled from public life, the day when even the neo-cons of the Cato Institute will refuse your calls.

And you will watch in solitude as President Obama and those who succeed him, for indeed, you have started something that will outlast even this next generation of Presidents, successfully prosecute the global conflict that history will deem you have started single-handedly, simply because they have to. It is at that time the true mettle of your faux patriotism will be found wanting and a new paradigm of love of country will emerge.

Americans will love them, not you. You will be reviled in ways that few Presidents can even have nightmares about. You will sit in seclusion, riding out the war on your thousand acres in Paraguay, believing you are safe, not even cowboying up long enough to sit through what you started at Ground Zero, America (possibly more than just a catchy phrase developed by your marketeers, an actual nuclear bombsite).

You will not be afforded the reconstruction that even the most hated President of our time, Richard Nixon, was afforded, because Americans of all stripes will see you for what you are: a shameless, godless buffoon of disproportionate idiocy, a man who took a peaceful, prosperous country and tore it apart like a little boy with an Erector set, leaving twisted metal and the burned out engines of American lives lying on the floor.

But who could parrot talking points with the best of them.

That, sir, is your legacy. Enjoy it.

Because, Yes, We Want MORE Tax Cuts For The Wealthy!

Oh lord, this can't help but seal the deal for Barack Obama:

WASHINGTON (AP) — Two-thirds of U.S. corporations paid no federal income taxes between 1998 and 2005, according to a new report from Congress.

The study by the Government Accountability Office, expected to be released Tuesday, said about 68 percent of foreign companies doing business in the U.S. avoided corporate taxes over the same period.

Collectively, the companies reported trillions of dollars in sales, according to GAO's estimate.

"It's shameful that so many corporations make big profits and pay nothing to support our country," said Sen. Byron Dorgan, D-N.D., who asked for the GAO study with Sen. Carl Levin, D-Mich.

An outside tax expert, Chris Edwards of the libertarian Cato Institute in Washington, said increasing numbers of limited liability corporations and so-called "S" corporations pay taxes under individual tax codes.

"Half of all business income in the United States now ends up going through the individual tax code," Edwards said.

I added that last bit of the story to present a reasonable condition to the headline, but also to rebut it, slightly.

It's true that many corporations are so-called "individual corporations", LLCs and S-Corporations where the income is essentially passed thru to the shareholders for tax purposes.

The problem, one the Cato Institute fails to note, is the compliance with this when filing tax forms.

The IRS estimates that roughly $300 billion in undeclared income just vanishes somewhere between the corporations' books and the shareholders' tax returns each year.

At a 35% tax bracket, that ain't small potatoes, taxwise!

Too, where Cato makes it appear that this problem is almost solely a function of the tax liabilty shifted to the individual business owner, in truth, the GAO report shows that "about 25 percent of the U.S. corporations not paying corporate taxes were considered large corporations, meaning they had at least $250 million in assets or $50 million in receipts."

That's each, not collectively. When you are talking about trillions in revenues, $50 million is a small piece, so this is not an insignificant number of tax evaders.

In plain English, what does this mean?

It means that the entities-- people and corporations-- that beneift most from the bounty of resources of this great nation, its people, land, and other natural resources, are not giving back in a commensurate fashion as payment for these resources.

In other words, they are stealing our country out from under us, and either refusing to pony up reparations or are off-shoring your tax dollars in their Cayman Island bank accounts!

John McCain would encourage this by extending Bush's tax cuts and specifically, his capital gains, estate and dividend tax breaks that benefit the richest one percent of this nation far more than Barack Obama's middle class tax cut would benefit the middle classes of America.

And the middle class outnumbers the wealthy, but make that case and you're declaring class warfare.

I think it's about time we did just that. After all, class warfare has already been declared on the middle class!

Maybe Yes, Maybe No....

Pity poor John McCain. Barack Obama goes off for a well-earned week's vacation in Hawaii, to the confused fulminations of the punditry of the not-ever-right wing ("He's an elitist, running off to the exotic, distant United States like that! He can't even stay in his own country!"), AND the news cycle has broken in his fvor, playing to his strongest card, his foreign policy experience, as an old foe, Russia, rises up and begins to reabsorb its Tsarist empire.

Tailor-made week for him, right? Ehhhh...not so much!

This debate over McCain's maverick-ness reflects a new challenge in his second bid for the presidency: the dilution of the McCain brand. To win the GOP primary this year, McCain embraced party dogma in ways big and small, from switching his opposition to President Bush's tax cuts, which he had criticized as skewed to the rich, to making amends with religious leaders he once denounced as "agents of intolerance."

The campaign has also undercut McCain's image as a straight-talker by dramatically limiting the national media's access to the candidate, who once charmed reporters and voters alike with his easy, free-wheeling, common-man conversational style on his campaign bus.

And McCain, this time around, faces an opponent who can make a case that, as a 47-year-old black man and first-term senator, he is more of a political outsider with a fresh new voice than the 71-year-old veteran of a quarter-century in Congress.

Personally, I think the word "maverick-ness" is clumsy, and have coined my own word: "maverickwitude," which also sort of fits with "fuckwit", which describes McCain to a T.

But I digress...

So McCain not only has to sell himself as the "NotBush," but also as the "NotMcCain," all while trying to sell voters that his insider experience in Washington is better than that young snot-nose punk's naivete.

Imagine! Talking to Iran!

It gets worse for Senator McCain. The one week he has the field to himself...:

An e-mail just sent out says Obama "is about to choose a running mate." And when word comes, it will come by text message, e-mail and on the campaign website. An interesting twist that could mean the word might be released this week even during Obama's family vacation.[...]

And if it came, oh, say, sometime this week. it would instantly dominate the news stream and erase any advantage Republican Sen. John McCain might have gotten from a week of campaigning without the Democrats' competition.

That head of steam McCain was hoping for looks like it might not even signal the tea water is boiling.

Listen, when even Karl Rove is thinking Obama will announce his Veep this week, you have a problem on your hands if you are running against him.

So, yes, give a moment's thought to John McCain, the sacrificial lamb the Republicans have thrown to Barack Obama this year.

The Great Awakening

Wow.

I sit here struggling for words to describe how eye-opening the Opening Ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics were to me.

I struggle not for the impression the ceremonies made on me, I can write volumes on the artistry. Nor do I struggle for words on how the ceremonies showed me what China will become in the very near future.

What I'm struggling with, what I realize now, is my deep naivete about what China has been: a distant, secret place, whose image in the mind of this fairly sophisticated American was clearly incomplete.

The China I saw introduced last night was at once precisely disciplined, yet wildly creative; technologically advanced, yet almost wholly reliant on the human element; richly historic, yet able to rebuild and remodel itself in almost a moment's notice.

The juxtaposition of these opposite values was made quite clear in the precision of the artists on stage. As a performer myself, I can tell you that it's near impossible to get twenty people to perform in near-perfect unison (The Rockettes spring to mind as the exception) but to get 2,000 at a time? Often with no more visual cue than your muscle memory and some awareness of the "chi" of the people around you?

As Matt Lauer, one of the hosts of NBC's coverage of the ceremonies, pointed out last night, China has had the largest GDP in the world for 9 of the last ten centuries.

The sole exception? The United States in the 20th Century. China clearly aims to take that title from us once again, and I can't see how they will fail.

Which brings me back to the image I had of China. I, like many of you, was aware of the China we were introduced to during the Nixon administration: grey and blue jacketed men and women, deliberately muted and homogenized in their diversity, struggling to break the shackles of governmental regulation and economic morosity.

As the years rolled on, I began to hear stories of how the Chinese were slowly awakening to the 20th Century: gleaming buildings in Shanghai, more freedom to pursue individual goals, a burgeoning middle class.

I sure wasn't expecting that, less than thirty years out from her commitment to becoming an economic lion, she had come this far. I assumed that the nation had done it thru sheer force of will and brute strength.

The delicacy and beauty of last night's show, reminding us of 5,000 years of heritage while reinforcing China's paternalistic centralized power structure, spoke volumes of how a great nation does not have to be "ruggedly individualistic" nor supremely sovietized in order to be a world player.

China has found some sweet spot in the middle, and by now throwing human minds and creativity into the mix, have become a formidable and powerful competitor to the United States.

I wonder how we'll handle them?

Friday Music Blogging

Manfred Mann - Runner

Best Olympic video ever.

Personally, I Hope He Ignores This

UPDATED

What is it with politicians and their sex lives that makes them any of my business or yours?

RALEIGH, N.C. – Two weeks before their national convention, some Democrats are calling for former Sen. John Edwards to publicly address National Enquirer stories that he had an affair with a campaign worker and fathered her baby.

Mr. Edwards, as the 2004 vice presidential nominee and a presidential candidate who won delegates this year, ordinarily would be locked in as a convention speaker.

"He absolutely does have to [resolve it]. If it's not true, he has to issue a stronger denial," said Gary Pearce, the Democratic strategist who ran Mr. Edwards' 1998 Senate race.

Mr. Edwards' decision not to take questions about the allegations has allowed doubts to linger and political bloggers to speculate.

If you haven't heard the story, the National Enquirer, which is to journalism what a four leaf clover is to hard work, has been following the tales of one Rielle Hunter who allegedly delivered a baby that John Edwards conceived.

Last December, an Edwards' campaign staffer, Andrew Young, who is also married and has children, came forward and admitted to being the father.

You'd think it would have ended right then and there, but it merely lay dormant.

Much of the interest in this story, clearly designed to throw a wrench in the Democratic coronation of Barack Obama as a candidate (and drop Edwards off the short list for VP, which no one took seriously anyway), has been generated by Fox News, the National Enquirer run by the improbably named Dave Pecker, and the usual gang of dust-dry vaginas and Jello-soft penises on the right wing (e.g. Michelle Malkin and FreeRepublic.com).

The rationale? Well, I don't know the extent of toe-nail clipping that has gone on over on the far right, but I imagine there's the whole Clintonian "If it matters at your house, it matters in the White House" nonsense, but since Edwards' is no longer running, that ought to be a non-starter.

An unique excuse is Edwards' marriage to a terminal cancer victim, Elizabeth, thus neatly dovetailing their gloating over her apparently imminent death while torturing her for the last few months she might have left to her.

Edwards' is a private citizen and therefore entitled to a bit more consideration and compassion than these numbnut assholes have chosen to give. Indeed, these self-same "pundits" (more like ersatz samizdats) raked Edwards over the coal for uncloaking his public persona in the face of his wife's illness, to some extent forcing him back into private life.

Let's assume for a moment the story is true, and Edwards is the father: If I was a terminal cancer patient, on chemo and radiation and exhausted and nauseous, I would probably give my blessings to my wife to go out and take care of her needs. The Edwards deserve at least as much privacy in their decisions as some shlub blogger in New York City.

Indeed, was it not Malkin herself who got her cheerleader panties in a twist when some faux-conservative blogger, Jesus' General, published her home address as well as a map of the neighborhood, citing privacy and safety concerns?

Now let's assume it's not true. Which it sure seems to be the case. Then Edwards deserves to be let alone and the two people who actually admit to the child, also private citizens, ought to be let alone. That Edwards hasn't complained loudly and long about their instigation of a horribly ugly episode in American politics is a testament to his loyalty and his belief that privacy is a right at the Constitution.

I agree with Edwards.

UPDATE: Then again, I could just be as naive an idiot as any Obomber.

Oh Brother!

The apparent desperation of the McCain campaign is being revealed this week:

It's not easy to make the infamous Willie Horton ad from the 1988 presidential campaign seem benign. But suggesting that Barack Obama is the Antichrist might just do it.

That's just what some outraged Christian supporters of the Democratic nominee are claiming John McCain's campaign did in an ad called "The One" that was recently released online. The Republican nominee's advisers brush off the charges, arguing that the spot was meant to be a "creative" and "humorous" way of poking fun at Obama's popularity by painting him as a self-appointed messiah. But even this innocuous interpretation of the ad — which includes images of Charlton Heston as Moses and culled clips that make Obama sound truly egomaniacal — taps into a conversation that has been gaining urgency on Christian radio and political blogs and in widely circulated e-mail messages that accuse Obama of being the Antichrist.

I'm going to make allowances for the "humour" angle of this ad, since McCain is notorious for being able to hold his own with Jon Stewart and Jay Leno.

And yes, Obama does have a slightly elitist, messianic air about him. Sorry, Obombers, but that's just a fact, and the way you guys flocked to him wasn't exactly discouraging either that independent observation or his messianic complex.

The truth is, however, that successful politicians (read: Presidents) of all stripes have been compared to the AntiChrist. It comes with the territory. The prophecies in John are pretty specific when it comes to describing ol' AC there, as well as in Daniel, and these have been pinned together by the idiots who ascribe to dispensational interpretations of the Bible as the truth.

The tell? His ability to irrationally sway multitudes (Daniel 7:10-11): A fiery stream issued and came forth from before him: thousand thousands ministered unto him, and ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him: the judgment was set, and the books were opened.
I beheld then because of the voice of the great words which the horn spake: I beheld even till the beast was slain, and his body destroyed, and given to the burning flame.

The Antichrist has been identified with leaders, including the Papacy, ever since it was first revealed when the New Testament was compiled in the first century ACE. It's no wonder that it is being applied to Barack Obama now.

Indeed, the first hardcore mainstream reference to Obama as the AntiChrist is actually from the liberal wing of the Democratic party in August 2004, shortly after he spoke at Kerry's convention. Granted, "Kynn" is quoting heavily from a Christian bulletin board (that link is hosed).

One could reasonably make the same comparison to John McCain.

But I have a better one:

Indeed, McCain even admits it!

Frist!

WTF? Bill "I calls 'em like I sees 'em on tape" FRIST?!?!? Part of Bono's "ONE.org"???

Is this the Apocalypse?

Nobody Asked Me, But....

1) I don't really follow the NFL anymore, but I do from time to time follow the NY Jets. This is the dumbest move they've made since, well, ever.

2) Brett Favre has just become the world's most expensive tackling dummy.

3) Hm, this might be fun. I hope I get invited.

4) More Republican sexcapades.

5) New uses for your tool.

6) At least SOMEONE'S being impeached over this stupid war!

7) Yea, this will help people forget that New Yorker cover...

8) I want to take this moment to wish all our athletes in Beijing the best of luck, particularly Michael Phelps who would be breaking my record if not for that stupid boycott in 1980.

9) As long as I am posting wishes....Andy, Gordon, Stewart, thank you for the years of memories and music. I wish you all the best in your future and you know, Stewart, never say never. Or as Andy put it the other evening, "Never say never say never say never!"

10) I'm surprised Obama let the clearly better speaker out ahead of him. It ought to be a barnburner!

11) Sometimes, Senator, karma's a bitch.

From the Thumbper File

Give this dog a steak!
Napoleon rools!

I'm Going To Miss George Bush

President Bush is rehearsing his speech, using the teleprompter, for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games.

He begins with "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!"

Immediately his speech writer rushes over to the lectern and whispers in the President's ear:

"Mr. President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is underneath

File This Under "WTF?"

Now, admittedly, the demographics in this Presidential race make small niches groups key in any McCain victory, since Obama seems to be drawing a broad audience and is generally ahead in the game (despite recent polls).

But this?

Here at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, the annual gathering of all things leather, Harley and free as the wind across an open plain, Senator John McCain came to ask for the votes of America’s bikers.

“It will be a good day on election day if there are a lot of bikes parked outside polling places,” Mr. McCain said, at a tribute to veterans and those who serve in the military held in the midst of the ongoing party that locals says consumes this part of the country for several weeks.

Huh?

The image of Harley Davidson and the whole motorcycle culture seems to be taking a hit here. Somehow, linking the "what the hell" attitude of bike riders with John McCain, despite his faux image as a maverick, seems one of the more absurd pieces in the political theatre that is America.

And yet...

The rally has been known for its wilder days but it, like its devotees, is getting on in years. This was the 68th Sturgis and the atmosphere was suitably respectful (give or take a few naughty signs, T-shirts and encounters). The men, most commonly dressed in black shirts, jeans and boots, doffed their caps and head scarves at key moments during the pre-McCain program honoring veterans.

Truly, things do get a bit long in the tooth after 68 years, and presumably many of those attending, drawn by a concert performed by Kid Rock and Kellie Pickler-- lest you thought McCain could draw more people than could fit in a phone booth by himself-- were like McCain, former Viet Nam veterans paying respects to one of their own.

Still, there's a surreality to the entire proceeding. McCain will talk about gas prices, I'm sure, and then go on to talk about...Iraq? To men who have fought a war and probably know a thing or two about clusterfucks?

This is probably more his target audience: naked old men lost over the wilderness:

Fat, Fat, The Water Rat

If Michaelangelo's David had been sculpted in 21st Century America

Most kids' meals at top restaurant chains have way too many calories to be healthy, according to a report released yesterday.

Nearly every possible combination of the children's meals at KFC, Taco Bell, Sonic and Chick-fil-A are too fattening, the report on meals at 13 major restaurants found.

The average 8-year-old should eat about 1,200 to 1,300 calories a day, or about 430 calories a meal. But 93 percent of the meals at the chains had more calories than that. Instead of fried and fatty foods, restaurants should offer more choices that include fruits and whole grains, the report said.

Although some chains including McDonald's offer apple slices as a substitute for french fries, the Center for Science in the Public Interest said many restaurants make it hard for kids and their parents to make healthy choices. Subway fared best, with 12 of its 18 kids' meals having fewer than 430 calories, although that's in part because Subway meals don't include beverages.

Here's An Attaboy

I am remiss. I should have posted this already last week, but I was running into MIS problems with work so was keeping a low profile.

One of the few people in Blogtopia (© Skippy) who actually gets my jokes, and since she's happily married I know she's not fawning when she laughs, Madeleine Begun Kane (you can find her in my blogroll) has won the 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor.

She has some interesting things to say about it all, including a copy of the missive she received-- genuine and direct-- from the selector (I leave that surprise for you to uncover).

Robert Benchley...what can be said about him that Dorothy Parker wouldn't mock as pretentious droolings of an inferior mind, a steak to my veggie burger. He is a writer I admired growing up for his wit and inexorably attractive fashion of drawing you in for the sucker punch.

A charter member of the Algonquin Round Table, one could argue that Benchley's membership in that esteemed body (apparently he steamed many bodies there) sealed his fate as not only a raconteur but as an influence for comedians as diverse as Dave Barry...OK, it's a stretch...to James Thurber.

He was, in short, his generation's James Wolcott.

Ah wit! All is vanity, fair.

Congratulations, Ms. Kane.

PS Does this get me back on the barbecue list?

Has It Really Been...

..three years?

Yup. Three years and 203,000 readers later.

Don't you people have anything BETTER to do?

The Devil You Know

I've been following with some interest the rise of the new meme, the Presumptious Nominee:

The candidate's crowning demonstrations of hubris, according to those building a case, came during his extended trip to Iraq, Afghanistan, the Middle East and Europe. Recall the pundits demanding the freshman Illinois senator prove he could be presidential in the foreign arena?

So he appeared at ease with world leaders, talked animatedly with beaming American troops and drew huge civilian crowds. Then the pundits -- who had been taking a round of bashing for supposedly going easy on Obama -- told Obama he needed to beware of appearing too presidential.

You'd think the media would welcome a Presidential wannabe who actually acted as if the job itself was more important than the campaign to get it, but that's a small digression.

After eight years of Bush acting completely UNPresidential despite actually, you know, being President, Obama's grace and ease with foreign leaders and with foreign audiences (as I mentioned last week) is probably less a function of Obama's demeanor and poise than it is the simple acknowledgement that a man who feels no compunction about sexually assaulting world leaders is unwelcome and it's about damned time America got rid of the creep.

And that would be the least of the gripes they'd have with Bush, that "Old Europe"!

The most curious trope to arise from this meme is that somehow, Obama was screwed during his visit to Germany by declining to visit Landstuhl Hospital, where Iraq invaders and Afghan warriors are nursing their wounds and receiving treatment:

Opponents would like to put the Democrat in another can't-win box over his "failure" to visit wounded troops at a military hospital in Germany. Obama canceled a visit to the Landstuhl hospital and was accused of being self-centered.

What if he had appeared at the hospital? David Kiley reported in BusinessWeek magazine how a Republican operative described plans to attack Obama for -- that's right -- using wounded troops as campaign props, if he had gone through with the visit.

Now, here, I agree with the critics: he should have gone.

Yes, he was doomed in a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" kind of way. But here's the thing: The GOP has successfully painted nearly every candidate for President as "soft," mealy-mouthed liberals who won't or can't stomach war and won't do what is necessary to defend you and me from "them", whomever "them" was: Soviets, Cubans, Al Qaeda, Iraq, Panama, Grenada, and so on.

In this instance, Obama was, I believe, wrong to skip the troops. Yes, we've heard a few somewhat confusing rationales, making his plight all the more difficult. He really needs to find someone who can get on message faster. David Axelrod is not doing the job.

He didn't want to politicize the troops. He was told he couldn't bring the media. He couldn't visit with campaign staffers. So on.

So what?

You might recall this little trope:

President Bush's day-old reelection advertising campaign generated criticism and controversy yesterday, as relatives of the victims of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist strikes charged that television commercials using images from the attacks were exploiting the tragedy for political gain.

Or this image:

Yes, in both instances, Bush was accused, correctly, of politicizing the troops. The charges had no effect on the course of the campaign, and Bush won re-election. More devastating was painting his opponent, John Kerry, into a box that forced Kerry to expend precious resources defending himself, unable to make the case for why he should replace Bush.

In Obama's case, this is one time the devil you DON'T know, visiting the troops, would have been the correct choice. He could defend his decision by pointing out his Senate subcommittee positions made this a point of protocol, and damn the campaign for a few hours. He could have walked in practically alone (they don't send even a secretary with him?) and spent a few moments on one ward.

It would have been the right thing to do, especially if you are going to make the case that you opposed the war from the get-go.

See, one of the lasting images of the Vietnam conflict is of veterans returning home to be villified and hated by the anti-war protestors. By directly linking himself as a spiritual descendant of the "No More War" crowd-- and I count myself proudly among their numbers-- he has left himself open to the darker side of that crowd.

He's already been painted as a radical sympathizer through his connection, albeit tenuous, to William Ayers and Bernadette Dohrn...oooh, he met them at a local strategy event! Oooh, they co-served on a board somewhere!...who were notorious radicals in the Weather Underground.

Ayers and Dohrn deserve our contempt. The bombs they helped make, the one that blew up the townhouse they rented, were intended to hurt innocent Americans and American troops. Much like Al Qaeda today.

Not visiting the troops gives that ridiculous charge of involvement with "known radical terrorists" an inadvertant ring of truth.

Already, the story line for the fall election is that Obama is aloof and above the fray: elitist in a way that makes John Kerry (who ran a pizza parlor, fercrissake!) look like a regular Joe in the eyes of the GOP.

I'm not suggesting that he has to, you know, hoist a glass of scotch at a gin mill to show he's a man of the people, or in any way shape or form run his campaign as an offset to this idiotic idea that a man can be TOO ambitious or TOO intelligent to be President.

Just don't give them a freebie, is all I'm saying.

Friday Music Blogging

GWAR - War Is All We Know

This is going out to John McCain (find the lyrics on-line and you'll understand why)

Nobody Asked Me, But...

1) Followed by a firming of our defense, a grasp of the problem, and finally, the release from the tension.

2) I guess this had to happen eventually.

3) Another tragedy of the mortgage crisis. Two words: exer. cise.

4) I shouldn't be snarky there. That cat didn't do anything to deserve it and his owners must be heartsick. I'm sorry. I'll make up for it with this heartwarming tale, passed along to me by katrina.

5) And people wondered why I thought Obama couldn't win the election...granted, it's early and granted this is just one lousy poll, but come ON!

6) I got my iPhone today! I'm like a kid at Christmas! In July!

7) Yesterday was the trading deadline in baseball and not surprisingly, the Red Sox dumped Manny Ramirez on Joe Torre and the Dodgers. If Boston was a distraction for Ramirez, I shudder to think how he's going to handle LA and Hollywood.

8) It strikes me this shouldn't even have needed a court to decide. It should be in the Constitution!

9) What's a company have to do to keep the stock markets happy? Make $13 billion in a quarter?!?!?!?!

10) I'd like to meet the man who sucked the hose to start the siphon! Maybe it was a woman. In that case, I probably dated her in the dim dark past...

11) Snakes on a Maine.

12) Obama is playing fast and loose with the race card again. McCain correctly calls him on his shit. He did this same stunt in the South Carolina primary, invoking race indirectly then calling the other guy out for responding, irritating a defense from Bill Clinton when absolutely none was needed, a rare time the ex-President (and Greatest. President. Ever.) was on shaky political ground during a campaign.