Monday, March 14, 2011

Daylight Savings Time: Liberal Plot!

Why am I being FORCED to turn my clocks ahead one hour? Just because President Obsama's storm troopers demand it? To "save" daylight?
Why are liberals always trying to "save" something? Save the whales, save the forests, save daylight...I swear, who are they to tell me what I should do with my daylight? It's MY daylight and if I want to spend it on hookers and blow, that's MY choice! Liberals hate choice! I'm an American! It's MY daylight!
You know who else "saved daylight"?
You know what "Daylight Savings Time" is? It's a plot by lefties to shove the solar energy agenda down our throats, to aid and abet their Arab brethren so they can fund terrorism! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE! We have to STOP these morans! Next they'll tell us if we want to sleep into the daytime that we're saving, we can wear eye mosques! NO MORE MOSQUES! NO MOSQUES! NO MOSQUES! ROBERTO DURAN WAS RIGHT! NO MOSQUES!
Want proof it's a liberal plot?
OK, Daylight Savings Time was invented by Benjamin Franklin. His mother was Abigail Folger. Of Folger's coffee. And everyone knows the Tea Party is the ONLY TRUE PATRIOTS IN AMERICA!
More: Franklin appears on the hundred dollar bill. The hundred dollar bill is how libs do coke. DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?????
Still more: Franklin invented electricity. Electricity gives us, what? MORE DAYLIGHT AT NIGHT so libs can hold secret meetings with Osama bin Laden to plot the downfall of America!
Also, electricity comes from oil and natural gas. Oil is what Arabs make in the dessert! We're supporting terorrists by using electricity! Libs invented electricity and Arabs invented oil and we're funding the Islamoliberal assault on our schools and our children! The Dhimmicrats are laughing at you RIGHT NOW because you're using their electricity!
We have to come up with good old American electricity! Not oil or natural gas. And not coal because the Chinese invented coal and so we can't turn Commie now!
What's left? THE SUN! We invented the sun! Before America, there was no sun! The French king didn't refer to himself as The Sun King until AFTER we were revolting against England, who only gets rain! 
That's right, my fellow American patriots! We must IMMEDIATELY convert to solar power, which means we have to save daylight! Who's with me? It's time to save daylight! It's daylights savings time!
< / Glenn Beck gland >